I always expect to see your names in one of these...

[Drunk Monk]

It’s always a fuckin’ HSN katana.

right?  why is that?

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Everyone wants to be a ninja, but no one wants to do push-ups.

[cranefly]

Everyone wants to be a ninja, but no one wants to do push-ups.

Yeti, the modern Confucius.

[Drunk Monk]

‘God told me he was a lizard’: Seattle man accused of killing his brother with a sword
Originally published January 8, 2019 at 6:52 pm Updated January 9, 2019 at 10:32 am
Buckey Wolfe, 26, was charged Tuesday with second-degree murder, accused of killing his brother, James Wolfe, with a sword on Sunday in Fremont.

By 
Sara Jean Green [/url]
Seattle Times staff reporter
A Seattle man who prosecutors say may be mentally ill was charged Tuesday with second-degree murder, accused of killing his brother with a four-foot-long sword.
Buckey Wolfe, 26, was ordered held in lieu of $1 million bail during his first court appearance Monday, but prosecutors have since requested that Wolfe be held without bail given the extreme danger he poses to the community, jail and court records show. It was not clear Tuesday when a judge would rule on the state’s request.

“The defendant’s actions — jamming the tang end of a four-foot long sharpened metal-bladed sword-like instrument completely through the victim’s head and killing him — demonstrate the danger he poses,” Senior Deputy Prosecutor Scott O’Toole wrote in charging papers. “Moreover, (the) defendant appears to be severely mentally ill.”

Killed was James Wolfe, say charging papers, which do not include his age. As of Tuesday, the King County Medical Examiner’s Office had not publicly identified James Wolfe or issued a ruling on his cause and manner of death. charges say. He continued to ramble, saying “Kill me, kill me, I can’t live in this reality,” and “God told me he was a lizard,” according to charging papers. Wolfe was able to provide his home address, located in the 4100 block of Phinney Avenue North, where Seattle police found James Wolfe dead, the charges say.
The charges say Buckey Wolfe lived in a mother-in-law apartment on the property while his brother and father lived in the main house.
Buckey Wolfe was arrested in Fremont a short time after calling 911, less than a mile north of the family home, according to the charges. During an interview with police, Wolfe — who claimed to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia — told homicide detectives “that their eyes and mouths were changing and asked if they could see lizards in the room,” O’Toole wrote in charging papers.

Police obtained video footage from a camera set up outside the mother-in-law apartment, which showed the brothers walking peacefully together and later, their father handing food to Buckey Wolfe, the charges say. There’s no further activity recorded on the camera until Buckey Wolfe is seen running out of the apartment, the charges say.
“No other person is seen entering or exiting the apartment until Seattle Police officers arrived and found James Wolfe deceased inside the apartment,” according to the charges.
O’Toole also cited social-media postings that show evidence of Wolfe’s mental instability.

Sara Jean Green: 206-515-5654 or sgreen@seattletimes.com; on Twitter: [url=https://twitter.com/SJGTimes]@SJGTimes.

For the record, this is Fremont WA, not Fremont CA where my office lies.  I think that absolves Tiger Claw, but given the lizard connection, I think Victory is still under suspicion.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Schtumm!

[Drunk Monk]

hold the phone.  you can do this?

ppfy - all those years we've been training to sword fight have NOT been in vain.

Man requests 'trial by combat' with Japanese swords to settle dispute with Iowa ex-wife

Anna Spoerre, Des Moines RegisterPublished 4:07 p.m. CT Jan. 13, 2020 | Updated 1:41 p.m. CT Jan. 14, 2020


A Kansas man has asked an Iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney "on the field of battle where (he) will rend their souls from their corporal bodies."
David Ostrom, 40, of Paola, Kansas, claims in court documents that his ex-wife, Bridgette Ostrom, 38, of Harlan, has "destroyed (him) legally."
He asked the Iowa District Court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks "lead time" in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords, as first reported by the Carroll Times Herald. 
"To this day, trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States," Ostrom argues in court records, adding that it was used "as recently as 1818 in British Court."
When reached by phone Monday, Ostrom told the Des Moines Register that he got the idea after learning about a 2016 case in which New York Supreme Court Justice Philip Minardo acknowledged that duels had not been abolished.

Henry Cavill as Geralt of Rivia in a scene from the Netflix original series The Witcher . (Photo: Netflix)

Ostrom said the motion stemmed from his frustrations with his ex-wife's attorney, Matthew Hudson of Harlan.
"I think I've met Mr. Hudson's absurdity with my own absurdity," he said.
Ostrom, who said he plans to request the same mediation tactic for any other disputes that may arise in court, added that his ex-wife can choose her attorney as a "champion," or stand-in fighter. 
Hudson filed a resistance to the trial by combat motion by first correcting Ostrom's spelling.

"Surely (Ostrom) meant 'corporeal' bodies which Merriam Webster defines as having, consisting of, or relating to, a physical material body," the attorney wrote. "Although (Ostrom) and potential combatant do have souls to be rended, they respectfully request that the court not order this done."
Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues.
"It should be noted that just because the U.S. and Iowa constitutions do not specifically prohibit battling another person with a deadly katana sword, it does prohibit a court sitting in equity from ordering same," Hudson wrote. 

Hudson asked the court to suspend Ostrom's visitation rights and order him to undergo a court-ordered psychological evaluation. 
Ostrom later admitted to the misspelling, but argued he has no history of mental issues. 
Historically, he said in court records, trial by combat was not always won by way of death, but also when a party "cries craven," yielding to the other.
"Respondent and counsel have proven themselves to be cravens by refusing to answer the call to battle, thus they should lose this motion by default," Ostrom wrote, adding that if the other party decided otherwise, he wants to proceed with a "blunted practice style" of sword play.

The court has not yet ruled on either party's motions. Hudson was not immediately available for comment. 
Ostrom, who said he doesn't have any experience with sword fighting, doesn't anticipate the judge will let his request go forward, but he wants an answer anyway.

When asked if he were serious about the dueling offer, Ostrom said, "If Mr. Hudson is willing to do it, I will meet him. I don't think he has the guts to do it." 
Anna Spoerre covers crime and courts for the Des Moines Register. She can be contacted at aspoerre@dmreg.com, 515-284-8387 or on Twitter at @annaspoerre.

[Drunk Monk]

Attempted Wicker Park rapist, scared off by man wielding Medieval Times sword, pleads guilty
A statement from a woman who survived the attempted assault in Wicker Park in 2017 was read in court that said the incident left her ‘shattered’ but that she was healing.
By Mitch Dudek  Jul 16, 2020, 5:47pm CDT


Mac Dolan outside his Wicker Park apartment with a Medieval Times sword he used to scare off an intruder who was trying to rape a female guest sleeping on his couch. Max Herman / Sun-Times file

A man whose attempt to rape a woman in a Wicker Park apartment was interrupted by a sword-wielding “Game of Thrones” fan pleaded guilty Thursday, more than three years after the attack.
Francisco Chavez, 42, who’s been held in jail without bail since his arrest, pleaded guilty to charges that included aggravated criminal sexual assault and was sentenced to five years in prison, according to a Cook County state’s attorney’s spokeswoman.
Chavez sneaked in to the apartment in the morning hours of June 23, 2017.
Mac Dolan, who was 25 at the time and lived at the apartment, awoke at 5 a.m. to the sound of screaming. He hopped out of bed, flicked on the lights and saw a man he didn’t know punching, choking and trying to rip the clothes off a female guest who’d crashed on his living room couch after a night out.
“I saw the guy standing over her, and she was kicking and screaming,” Dolan told the Chicago Sun-Times days after the attack. “And I just started yelling and running at the guy basically and grabbed the sword that we have on the wall and chased him toward the back stairs.”
RELATED
For ‘Game of Thrones guys,’ $100 Medieval Times sword saves the day
It was a 44-inch-long, 10-pound sword that he purchased for $100 weeks earlier during a trip to Medieval Times — a restaurant/theater where dinner is served up with jousting and other knightly theatrics in a space resembling a castle.
Chavez took a moment to register what Dolan was doing.
“He didn’t really start running until he saw me grab the sword,” said Dolan, a software consultant. “Then, he went bug-eyed. When I got to the landing at the top of the stairs, I took one cut at him with the sword, but he ducked, and I missed and dented the wood railing.”
Chavez ran down the stairs. Dolan went back to check on the bruised and rattled woman, call 911 and wake a friend visiting from Boston who’d slept through it all on a couch several feet away.
“While we were waiting for police to arrive, I found the guy’s wallet on the ground,” Dolan said. “It must have fallen out of his pocket.”
Around the time the police got there, Chavez walked into a nearby police station in Logan Square and reported he’d been the victim of a robbery, that his wallet was stolen.
Officers ran a search on his name and discovered he was wanted for the attack in Dolan’s apartment.
At the time, Dolan could barely believe what had happened, especially given that he and his then-roommate had spoken more than once about using the sword if someone broke in to their apartment.
A written statement from the woman who survived the attack was read by a prosecutor during a court hearing Thursday. The woman, a musician who was in her late 20s at the time of the attack, said she used concealer on her wounds and played a show the following day.
But, as time went on, she said she suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and found herself “shattered” as her life began to unravel.
She said she’s gone through therapy, is healing and expressed hope Chavez could, too.
“I sincerely hope that you are able to heal wherever you are hurt,” she said in the letter.

[Drunk Monk]

How DM & the yeti’s Neighbors see them.

[Greg]

They see you as really crappy fencers?

[Drunk Monk]

Prolly...

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Ouch.

[Drunk Monk]

Ouch.

That’s the sound of dm swatting the yeti’s Knickers with a foil in a gay club window. It’s voiced in a falsetto tone with a cutesy boop akin to a mini twerk.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

It seems someone has an overactive fantasy life.

[Drunk Monk]

Since the shelter in place, it's all I have left...

Don't judge.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Fair.