05-27-2019, 02:29 PM
I jumped on this grenade for you.
Oh my god, was this bad. With a title like that you would expect farce, right? But no. It's a ponderous self reflection of Sam Elliot on his life as he contemplates suicide. And it's not even that light hearted. They probably got their money's worth paying Elliot because it was a amazing that he was in this turd sandwich. I kept asking myself what the hell is going on here. There's all these flashbacks to his time during the war and losing the girl he loves. There is this totally weird scene between the young Elliot and this russian partisan and they do this fortune telling beard shaving scenario because that's a thing. Basically if you give another man the perfect straight edge razor shave, your life will be a failure. But if you purposefully screw up the shave, both the barber and the one being shaved will have horrible lives.
So, he kills Hitler. They never explain how that course of history changed. Or maybe they did. I was tending to nod off at this point. Elliot might have given a speech.
What about Bigfoot? How does that tie in? I'm glad you asked.
It's almost a complete separate movie. The Bigfoot carries a super-plague and he's transmitting to everything in a fifty mile radius in Canada. If Bigfoot and his plague get out of the quarantined area, the world is lost. The only person immune to the Bigfoot superplague is, of course, Sam Elliot. But not young Hitler killing Sam Elliot. It's old suicidal, hating life, Sam Elliot.
He agrees to the job. He finds the Bigfoot of course on top of a mountain that almost kills Sam Elliot to climb. But when he gets there, he doesn't want to kill the sad Bigfoot. The Bigfoot, though, attacks him and Elliot is forced, much to his chagrin, to kill the Bigfoot. These are just the highlights. There is much more stupidity in the Bigfoot hunt.
But everyone thinks Elliot dies during the hunt. So, they have a funeral. Elliot's brother is Larry Miller. Yes, comedian Larry Miller. I don't think he has ever been this far from jokes. Miller plays a barber, so there are more chances for hair cutting. None of them told fortunes, though.
There is a sappy reunion between Miller and Elliot where they go fishing. Later, Elliot has to dig up his coffin to get a box that Elliot has been threatening to open for the entire movie but never does and we are never shown what's in the box.
I've never wished harder for a movie to end.
But get this, it has a 73% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Maybe they saw a different film than me.
Oh my god, was this bad. With a title like that you would expect farce, right? But no. It's a ponderous self reflection of Sam Elliot on his life as he contemplates suicide. And it's not even that light hearted. They probably got their money's worth paying Elliot because it was a amazing that he was in this turd sandwich. I kept asking myself what the hell is going on here. There's all these flashbacks to his time during the war and losing the girl he loves. There is this totally weird scene between the young Elliot and this russian partisan and they do this fortune telling beard shaving scenario because that's a thing. Basically if you give another man the perfect straight edge razor shave, your life will be a failure. But if you purposefully screw up the shave, both the barber and the one being shaved will have horrible lives.
So, he kills Hitler. They never explain how that course of history changed. Or maybe they did. I was tending to nod off at this point. Elliot might have given a speech.
What about Bigfoot? How does that tie in? I'm glad you asked.
It's almost a complete separate movie. The Bigfoot carries a super-plague and he's transmitting to everything in a fifty mile radius in Canada. If Bigfoot and his plague get out of the quarantined area, the world is lost. The only person immune to the Bigfoot superplague is, of course, Sam Elliot. But not young Hitler killing Sam Elliot. It's old suicidal, hating life, Sam Elliot.
He agrees to the job. He finds the Bigfoot of course on top of a mountain that almost kills Sam Elliot to climb. But when he gets there, he doesn't want to kill the sad Bigfoot. The Bigfoot, though, attacks him and Elliot is forced, much to his chagrin, to kill the Bigfoot. These are just the highlights. There is much more stupidity in the Bigfoot hunt.
But everyone thinks Elliot dies during the hunt. So, they have a funeral. Elliot's brother is Larry Miller. Yes, comedian Larry Miller. I don't think he has ever been this far from jokes. Miller plays a barber, so there are more chances for hair cutting. None of them told fortunes, though.
There is a sappy reunion between Miller and Elliot where they go fishing. Later, Elliot has to dig up his coffin to get a box that Elliot has been threatening to open for the entire movie but never does and we are never shown what's in the box.
I've never wished harder for a movie to end.
But get this, it has a 73% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Maybe they saw a different film than me.
As a matter of fact, my anger does keep me warm
