Beijing

[Drunk Monk]

And Showgirls vs. A Chorus Line - tough call, bro. I must now confess that I've watched way too much Glee, which not only completely distorts my perspective on this topic, it probably invalidates all of my DOOM reviews. But it's all about Brittany and Santana. If only they would have a swordfight, I would totally Gleek out over that.

Tell Pamela I've known plenty of heiren laowai (black foreigners) who have cashed in big on psoing for pix at tourist sites. And by big, I mean got a ton of free cigs as tips. Chinese cigs aren't bad, or so I'm told. Flying Horse is allegedly a fine smoke.

Hook up the Chollywood column! I've kept that up because #1. I've been hustle to work more from that angle as obviously it's booming as you're there and #2. had to dump the previous columnist because our copy editor couldn't take it anymore.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Sadly, I did work on Showgirls. I built the Cheetah Club champagne room.

[cranefly]

Hello. It's me again. Cranefly, noted sinologist. That's my rep, it seems, though I try to dispel the notion at every turn. My movie proposal showed my deep understanding of the China/Mongol situation circa blah-blah (I've already forgotten when my story takes place). A couple of the Chinese girl interviewing me after the awards seemed a bit in awe, and one called attention to the name of my protagonist, Gong Shun Hui -- the fact that it is an old name, not much in use these days. How did I know to use it? I never managed to answer that at the time. But in truth, I looked up Chinese emperors just before the Mongols took over. Wikipedia is great. It listed the names of noteworthy concubines during their reigns. I cobbled together the name from those, figuring the cobbling would introduce errors. Apparently it holds up.

Yesterday, before we set off on the bus in the morning, Malinda our very intelligent and fluent guide came to the back of the bus for a private discourse with me. We were headed for a remote part of the wall, but there are 100 steps (I think she said 100; in fact, it's more like 1000). Would I be all right with that? If not, she would direct the bus driver to go to the common wall site. I told her I would be okay, I'd just take the steps 3 at a time and then there wouldn't be so many. Once more my humor failed. So we went to the more remote site. It was a 2 hour trip in holiday traffic.

As I sort of suspected, I led a good portion of the way and was among the first 3 to explore the top parts of the wall. In one guard tower there were steps going up to a second level. They were very high steps, and the grade was maybe 80 degrees. It was spooky, so I skipped it -- except that a few minutes I said, "Fuck this shit," because I'd come this far. So I crawled up those steps and took some photos from the highest point. Getting down was spookier, because there were no handholds, and if you bumped yourself forward while stepping downward (which was a natural occurrence), you'd fall and break something. That would be so embarrassing. But all went well.

I took several photos of ants on the wall at the top; unfortunately, I haven't figured out the closeup lens on LC's camera, and they're blurred. Sorry to disappoint.

We ate lunch locally. When asked the style of the food, Malinda told us it's not a style, it's more like fast food. Still, it was 15 courses.

Then to the Ming Tombs, the straightway walk past the large animal sculptures. We didn't have time after that for the museum part (which apparently isn't all that interesting anyway), we headed back. It took 3 hours in heavy traffic to reach where "Chun Yi: The Legend of Kung Fu" was playing. Beforehand, we entered a park with a large pond with water lilies. Very tranquil and beautiful. Then we ate a banquet in a restaurant adjacent to the park. 15 courses or so. Finally to the show.

Before the show started, Spence (a brilliant man of my age who was at the core of setting the competition up; in fact, he wrote the judging criteria, emphasizing creativity and originality over all else) looked about and commented to me, "Wow, this is interesting. The audience is almost entirely Caucasion. I looked about and then responded, "I really can't tell the difference any more." He looked at me like I was crazy. Once more my humor was too surreal. Still, he wanted me to give my opinion of the show afterwards, only we never had time. So you get my opinion.

It had lots of performance elements. You know, acrobatics, gymnastics, the type of stuff that got Wushu in trouble vying for an Olympic spot. The weapons were ultralite flimsies. There was a lot of iron body "tricks." You know, spears to the throat, iron bars broken on forehead, lying on swords, breaking concrete blocks on the chest. I remember in Shaolin that Wing Lam told me that I could do those tricks after a bit of training. Or any of us could. 90 percent physics, 10 percent training/conditioning.

There were large segments involving a scantily clad woman trying to lure monks from their meditations, including long and surprisingly erotic dance numbers. I mean, the woman straddling the monk's shoulders and contorting about him as he maneuvers about.

It was all very interesting in its attempts to appeal to Westerners. I need to reflect on it some more.

Gotta go. Today it's Peking Opera followed by a trip to the SOHO art district or whatever it's called. The latter had me excited until Malinda informed us that while it was great a few years, it has since been commercialized and caters too much to tourists and with exorbitant prices. I still think I should check it out.

later, cranefly

[El Dingo]

The question we will ask ourselves forever:

Why did we not collectively pay for Greg to go over and document this shit?

I'm pretty sure we would all be millionaires after Cannes.

[cranefly]

Really.
This whole event has entirely lacked foresight. I mean, they are literally making it up as they go. That's not a criticism. It's damned impressive. It's like, What do we do tomorrow? And the answer is, We're working on it. Having Greg here to document it all would have been a brilliant addition.

As things stand, we're being followed around by two people, one with video, the other camera. And of course they will be selling us copies of the DVD at the end. For those wanting to buy one. Like, what a scam. No way I'm biting. The two guys are very nice, by the way. And I feel sorry for them at times, especially when they get hassled, and also for the pressure that's likely on them.

Greg, the organizers of this whole thing are trying to sell the power brokers on making this a yearly event. It could be a hard sell, depending. I suppose it depends a lot on how us winners behave here, and what we say afterwards. All the more reason I shouldn't mention Showgirls. Anyway, Greg, dust off your keyboard just in case it happens again next year.

[cranefly]

Well, I had another bout of diarrhea last night. My timing remains impeccable, because by morning I was again fine and ready to go.

Still, the morning was lent an ominous note by the bread pudding. It's been Joe's favorite for breakfast and mine as well. For Joe it's a comfort food, reminding him of the bread pudding his mother would fix (Joe is mid-70s and a key architect of this whole "I Love Beijing" affair). But this morning it was too dry and bready; perhaps a different cook?

Joe was in special ops in his earlier years. We're talking Cambodia. It's pretty unbelievable all the things he's been involved in. He mentioned that one time JFK called him. He won't say about what, but we're wondering if it was during the Cuban missile crisis and that Joe told him to "call their bluff." He believes Nixon was a great president and Carter was one of our worst (for being a liar, among other things). I'd normally beg to differ, but am withholding judgment for further reflection because he is so effin' knowledgeable and a noted problem-solver. More on Joe later, and his Chinese wife Lily, who is an incredible story in herself. They both seem to enjoy hanging out with me, which is usually for breakfast. Joe thinks it's great that I'm in the group and is rooting for me because of all the age discrimination he's seen.

I need to go to bed, so let me just give a brief summary of today. First we went to 798, which is an art area in Beijing -- literally a warren of interconnected art stores, galleries, and street art, including weird sculptures. Then it was lunch. For a change this was dim sum. After that was the Lama Temple, then the Summer Palace. Then we had a 15-course dinner, all items specially made for the holidays. Then a Peking Opera show.

Tomorrow might be silk stores or a car museum, and a movie studio, and maybe a movie theater. I can't hear worth a damn on the bus, or most anytime when there's lots of background noise, so I'm usually the last to know what we're doing..

Anyway, I'm going to bed.

[Drunk Monk]

And of course they will be selling us copies of the DVD at the end. For those wanting to buy one. Like, what a scam. No way I'm biting.

How much is it? We'd all pitch in, assuming it's not like thousands of RMB (we might be ok w/hundreds given the exchange rate). I can only imagine what a laugh riot this would make for a DOOM showing.

[cranefly]

All right. I'll try to grab a copy. But just to let you know, I made a major blunder yesterday.
Typically I'm the "go to guy" for the two camermen. I mean, no one walks into frame and past them as naturally and candidly as I do. They're always running ahead, setting up, and then here I come, nonchalantly passing by. This could all make for an outstanding meditation videotape, different settings, lightings, angles, but all basically the same shot, and it has the effect of lulling you into a deep state of tranquility. But late yesterday I got distracted by the scenery. Usually I'm more professional than that and am always attentive only to the cameramen's needs.

Here's how it unfolded. I'm at the Summer Palace posing at lakeside for the cameramen with the boats behind me. Then in my peripheral vision (I have very good peripheral vision) I notice this woman maneuvering about, looking me over, trying to get a better look at my face. I mean, she comes in really close, and she's being very nonchalant about it, pretending to look at the water. But I can see she's really looking me over. Finally she heads off, and she's with this guy -- husband or boyfriend, who knows -- and they're walking off. And it's a puzzler, I'm trying to figure her out, mostly because of her t-shirt, which says, "I'm not easy, but we can discuss it." And that's when, as I'm walking off, I look into the camera. Just for a second, mind you, but still, very very unprofessional, and if it ends up in the final cut, I'm going to look so amateurish.

So today I'm redoubling my efforts not to be distracted by anything around me and cater entirely to the needs of the cameramen. That' what this is all about, after all.

Next time, I'll tell you about the boy with the big ears. That was at the Lama Temple.

--cranefly

[cranefly]

About to head to the airport by taxi at rush hour. Should be fun.

The question of the day is, How does one transport an oversized check that is bigger than any of my luggage? It prominently displays $1000 in every possible direction.

Was a bit run down last night, so didn't post. Have to wait until I'm back.

--cranefly

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

All this and money, too. Just tell people you won the Beijing open. Be hazy on what sport. . . .

[Drunk Monk]

come home in one piece, bro. i need ya to write that chollywood column.

just kidding. have a safe flight. dying to hear more details face-to-face. what an adventure! and paid off to boot! dayum, bro, just dayum!

[Drunk Monk]

I got an email saying CF has returned safely. No word on whether he indeed has both kidneys.

Actually, come to think of it, as this has only been via email/DOOM forum, it might have all been some crazy ruse of CF's just to keep us entertained.

Sadly, I did work on Showgirls. I built the Cheetah Club champagne room.

Cool story, bro. Tell it again.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Don't be a hater, man

[Drunk Monk]

Showgirls was epic! You should be very proud. We're all proud of you. That a DOOM bro had his hand in the making of that - that's just uber awesome.


I am totally serious.

[cranefly]

Dang, dang, dang.

Was feeling a bit run down my final evening in Beijing. I skipped the showing of a short film by Johnny at a bar. A handful of people went. In my hotel room, I tried organizing folders of photos but kept nodding off. Finally just crashed. Ticklish nose throughout the night, had to pee frequently, kept drinking lots of water. Felt like I needed to flush something from my system. A wonderful feeling when you know you're about to embark on a very long flight.

On the 12-hour flight home, I held up pretty well, but could tell my nose was getting runny. It didn't seem like anything I'd need to report. No fever, as far as I can tell. But now that I'm back and after a nap, I'm getting a sore throat.

All of little import, except that LC and I were going to drive up to Seattle tomorrow (nothing like following a 12-hour flight with a 12-hour drive) for a wake. This is a living wake. A writer friend of ours, Jay Lake, has been battling the big C for 2 or 3 years, and the doc just declared it terminal at maybe 6 to 9 months. Jay has been chronicling the whole experience on his blog and in a book published last year (The Specific Gravity of Grief), which is not for the feint of heart. But there's no way I can attend his wake when I'm sick like this. And I've just exposed LC. Crap.

Also, in 20 minutes I'll be calling to find out details of my jury duty starting next week.