The Chariots of DOOM

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I gotta say that Hyundai and Kia have been releasing some good designs. They have a good rep for overall durability, too.

[Greg]

I've been doing a lot of youtube video from various car bros and they agree with you. I really wanted to get away from the styling of most SUVs which is bland but i didn't want to go full off road truck. I was looking at 4Runners but they were much more expensive for less car.

I will see how this goes.

[King Bob]

We've got the Kia Sportage, the hybrid, and it's nice. It's a little big for parallel parking, but nice for a road trip. Mileage is great.

[Drunk Monk]

It’s amazing how Korean automakers have risen in recent years, just like so much of Korean culture.

[Greg]

It would be nicer if the dealer responded to my emails......

[Greg]

Ah, dealerships. I received an email from a different person at the dealership unaware that I had been speaking to a different sales rep.

I said I want this option with this exterior and this interior.

Great! Here is a list of cars that have none of those things you asked for.

[Greg]

The new whip.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

That's a fine-looking beast!

[Drunk Monk]

Sweet! Congrats on the new ride. I can hardly wait to have you drive me somewhere in it.

[thatguy]

How does it do with muddy dogs? i always liked the idea of the Honda Element because you could hose out the interior...

--tg

[Greg]

I show up at the Merced Hyundai dealer at 9:30. I had emailed with Fabian and Jennifer saying I would be there between 9:30 and 10. I get a call on my way to the dealer asking if we are still on for our 10am appointment. I guess it was a sign that it was really time to turn in my Envoy that my instrument cluster remained dark for the entire drive to the dealer. Or maybe knowing we were parting, the Envoy went on strike. One of the keys to no instruments was being unsure of how much gas was in the tank. I thought I had plenty but there was no way to be sure. I put in $20 worth of gas before heading to the dealer to make sure I had enough gas to get home if things went poorly.

The dealership itself was pretty sketchy. The lot was packed and I had no place to park. I ended up parking on the street. I wandered among the cars by myself, with no one around. I see a guy across the street walking towards me down an alley between some buildings. He waves to grab my attention. I wait for him to cross the street. He asks me what I'm doing here. I tell him about the appointment only to be told that Monday is Fabian's day off. The man's name is Rob. He is a dealer with this group, but he only works with long time clients and referrals. But he will help me get started. He was only on his way to this lot to take pictures for a client of one of the cars, just happens to be the white Santa Fe Calligraphy I am also interested in. Awkward.

I decided to go with white when I learned you couldn't find the Santa Fe in Red within 150 mile radius. Fabian said he had found a red but I called him a liar, plus he didn't show up. I never did learn who was going to meet me for my appointment.

Rob asked me if I wanted to take a test drive. I said I was good because I had already test driven the Santa Fe at the Fresno dealership. He insisted and I acquiesced. Only problem, the white Santa Fe didn't have any gas in it. We drove over to the Kia/VW dealership to get the Purchase Order that would allow us to get gas and then we went to the gas station to fill up. This was going to be a long day.

As I contemplated the white color, I realized, I didn't like it. Fortunately, there were a couple of other different Santa Fe's right there. I was thinking silver but this dark grey really stood out. Rob wanted me to drive this one, too. Or at least get in them. One problem. The silver had a dead battery and the couldn't find the keys for the grey because it had just been dropped off from a different dealership and the keys were in a backpack somewhere. Plus, the kid that would be jumpstarting the one car and finding keys for the other was being dragooned by a different salesman for different jobs. And to make the job extra special, there were two cars blocking in the Santa Fes. Good times.

Eventually, the cars were moved, the silver was jumped and the keys were found for the grey. While waiting for the car shuffle, I texted the Queen to see if she had a color preference. Naturally, her first choice was white. Rob had a bit of a meltdown when I told him I was conferring with the wife. He asked if she was going to have to co-sign. I said no. We went on another test drive in the grey after Rob had to do some trickery with an alarm system to keep the cars from being stolen from the lot.

At this point, I guess we moved into Greg is actually going to buy this car mode. No one had mentioned the price of the car at this point. We were just going to get the car. We had to drive to another lot where the salesmen were all located. It was the Kia/VW lot. No one actually stays in the Hyundai lot. But the lot is monitored by cameras. If someone shows up on the Hyundai lot, a salesman heads over from the Kia/VW lot. In my mind, that sounds like a really stupid arrangement.

I head into the little room with rob to discuss numbers. I hate being in this area because I do not want anything to do with VW. This hatred stems from their cheating scandal of a few years back. Why should we trust them? Rob goes off, I guess, to talk to the head manager. Ten minutes later he comes back with two numbers in sharpie on a white piece of paper. The numbers are the price for the car and what my monthly payment is going to be. The numbers are absurd. I show Rob on my phone the price for the car that is listed on his own website. It's about $10k less than the number he showed me. He asked where I got that number and I told him his own dealer website. Grumble. Grumble. He heads out. He comes back. The new number is about $5k less. I know the difference is if I get the big rebate, they will not give me 0% financing. I'm opting for 0% so I get a smaller rebate. Fine..

However the group is still fucking around. They want me to sign up for the weird alarm system, similar to LoJack. They also want me sign up for a super extended warranty and lifetime oil changes.  All of which are of no value to me. I'm not driving 50 miles to the dealer for the free oil change. Extended warranties never seem to work out. Grumble. Grumble. Rob goes back to the manager. He comes back to me. He says congratulations. Let's go finish up the paper work with the finance guy.

I get to wait again while the Finance guy gets ready. I look at the numbers I've been left with. I do my own calculations. Between the price they are selling me the car for and the amount of the monthly payments, there is a $4200 discrepancy in their favor. When I sit down with the finance guy, the first thing he asks is if I have any questions. Why, yes. I do have a question. Why is there a $4200 difference? He congratulates me on my math skills and says the super extended warranty is still in there. Well, let's take that out shall we. He tries one more time to give me the warranty at a discount rate. Thank you, no. The only upgrade I did get was the lifetime warranty on the Hybrid battery.

So, I'm done. Time to drive home. Nope. They have taken my car off to be detailed and gassed up. I sit with Rob in his office for what could be most of my adult life. Rob is the king of small talk and puts it all into effect. He loves talking about his fishing adventures. He wants to know where I'm taking the car for the first trip. I said Home. At one point while we were waiting earlier, Bob did ask me to go on Google and give him a 5 star review. Probably not. We waited a long time for the car to be almost cleaned.

They brought the car around to the front. I said goodbye to the Envoy. I lifted the tailgate on the Santa Fe to find a bunch of spots the detailer missed. Rob walked me through some of the electronics features on the car but he could sense I was ready to be gone. He gave me another pitch to give a good review on the Hyundai questionnaire coming through.

It was about 3pm when I left. All told I'd been five and a half hours. The new car was really nice to drive home. I passed a bunch of people effortlessly. I was delighted to learn the heads up display keyed to the map so it gave me turn by turn directions in the windshield. Lots of bells and whistles in this car.

Got home. Got out. Realized they hadn't put the floor mats in the car. I called. They told me to drop by and they'd give them to me. I told them I was an hour away. They said they would call me back.

[Drunk Monk]

I woulda bailed out at the first hiccup.

Congrats on the new ride. I wonder what else they forgot.

[Greg]

Gave in and did the trip back to the dealer to get my floor mats. I also noticed they overcharged me on the battery warranty by $95. I brought that up. After some back and forth, they agreed to fix it. This necessitated sitting in the room while the finance guy redid the contract which I then got to sign. It dropped my payments by about $2 a month. Still debating whether the fight was worth it. But now, I don't think I have to go there ever again.

[King Bob]

until it's time for maintenance...

[Greg]

There is one a tad closer i will use.