10,000 BC

[Drunk Monk]

Yup, another airline flick, another disappointment. You'd think I'd like it. I mean the heroes are all dreadlocks. They should have played off of that a little more ala Harold and Kumar and it might have been amusing. As it was, it came out as thoroughly idiotic Christian values, absurd re-inventions with biblical overtones. Hell, if you want to make a Christian movie, make it about the damn bible. The time frames were all messed up and in the end *spoiler* the pyramids don't get built (so wtf are those things in Egypt today?) Mammoths, psycho ostrich raptors and sabertooths. The whole sabertooth thorn-in-paw subplot can be seen a mile away. And wtf happened in the end? *spoiler* Why didn't the chick eat it? Oh yeah, Christians like happy endings. I tell ya, let me re-edit this puppy with a good reggae soundtrack, add some copious hobbit leaf scenes and some full frontal nudity, more graphic violence (at least a dozen more fight scenes with copious wire work), space aliens, and perhaps a nuclear explosion, and I could redeem this film. I could. I know I could.

Ahh, who am I fooling? Certainly not the angst-ridden meat-packed Ppfy. This movie sucks and there's not a damn thing that can be done. I hate airplane movies.