Sheltering in Place

[Drunk Monk]

Day 57: I managed to get some sleep last night without aid. Went down around 11, woke at midnight for a bit, but then slept soundly until 5:30. As I lay in bed this morning, I had a panic attack that held me in check there for about an hour. The grief - I did not expect it to be this physical. I still feel cold - like shock - and my adrenaline rushes still tingle now and again. Part of that might be my lack of getting a decent workout. The nagging paranoia given the unemployment numbers never leaves the basement of my mind, rustling about and banging on the pipes like a hungry prisoner trying to work free of its tethers.

Stacy put me on more of a schedule and outlined some strategies. She's been really supportive but we live in a small bungalow together and as we cannot go out for anything distracting aside from the occasional hikes, I'm surprised and grateful she's been so compassionate. 

Today, I'm sorting a few odd business items. I have a phone call with a former business associate that claims he might have something for me, but he's been fairly elusive as to what that might be. We've worked together for years and fostered a good relationship so I'm hopeful there will be some sort of job offer in it. 

A lot of my process has been writing this out here. Thank you again Greg for providing this safe space. And thank you to the rest of DOOM for putting up with my ranting.