Skyfall

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Move along. Nothing to read here.

If you haven't seen the movie, I suggest you skip ahead to the next post.

What did I say? Move away.

I'm going to have to say I am disappointed. And screw Scapino for posting a big spoiler on his Facebook page by posting one of the better lines from the film (The one M says when she is driving with Bond)

Okay. The big intro was full of action. Really, Epic stuff through the streets of Istanbul. If you have seen the trailer, you have seen pretty much all of it. But in the end, Bond fails to recover the device that he was trying to get. At this point failure is fine because he will recover it in the end and save countless lives, right?

We then get Bond recovering from his wounds in shack by the beach, wenching, popping pills, and drinking. Where does he get the money for this? Last thing we knew he was shot and drowning. Did he have time to stop by the ATM on his trip to the sea? And this whole sequence was in 'You Only Live Twice", the book anyway(Chances are high I am remembering this wrong, but there was a familiar situation in one of the later books) In a reversal of a previous statement, the Adelle song really works nice over the opening credits. I think there is more orchestration or maybe making sense of the trippy title sequence distracted me.

So, things go bad at MI6. Bond feels the tug of duty so he returns to service all good and noble deeds. He has fun getting back into shape. He meets the young punk Q. I didn't have any problems with the heavy handed young against old scenarios that were playing out. Maybe a few. Why did they have to meet in the museum again to hand out the cool Bond-only gun?

We got to Shanghai for more cool visuals. Bond is tracking the guy from Istanbul. He finds him. Tracks him to where the Istanbul guy is setting up an assassination, which Bond allows to happen? Shouldn't Bond have stopped him? Protect the innocents and all? The fight they have is good. No cutaways. All one take, pretty much.

Then it is off to Macau using pretty much the same establishing shots we used for Shanghai. He meets sexy Eve. He meets sexy Beranice and promise to protect her from the bad guys. He then gets told he will be killed on the way out of the casino. He gets dumped into the Kimodo Dragon pit along with Oddjob's son. First thing he does is loose the cool Bond only gun to Oddjob. Wow. Oddjob can't use it. What a shocker. We never bring up the cool Bond only hand gun again. Do we issue him a new one. Does he get stuck with his old walther because he can't have nice things? Or did we bring up the cool gun only so we could have a scene with the cool gun later?

Eventually we get caught by Bardem. He's got lots of cool computer gear. he has the hots for Bond. All cool. First villain in a long time to have his evil lair. Although he hasn't done much to fix the place. Bardem talks about his Oedipal and abandonment issues he has with M. He tells Bond he should be having them, too. How M has sent Bond out on this mission under prepared.

Bardem and Bond have a shooting competition with dueling pistols, using a shot glass atop Beranice's head as the target. Beranice dies. The woman Bond promised to protect is killed right in front of Bond. Shouldn't the hero save the damsel in distress?

Bardem is captured and they all go back to London where M has the longest discovery hearing before a Parliament committee. The meeting goes on forever to give Bardem a chance to escape in some elaborate convoluted plan to get to M to kill her. Now, earlier he could have killed M in her office, because it was pointed out Bardem new her schedule so he knew exactly when to blow up the office when she wasn't in it. Why not blow up the office when she is in it? Save you a lot of twisted revenge planning time.

We also know Bardem is a super computer genius. He has already invaded MI6 most secure network in the world, right. And yet the first thing Q does is plug Bardem's laptop into the main network so he can decrypt it. Hmmmm, I wonder what is going to happen now.

So, Bond chases Bardem through London in order to catch him. Bardem has planned his escape so well that he knows Bond will be in the right spot at the exact right time so when he blows up the ceiling of the tunnel, the train in the tunnel above them will crash down through. That is cracker jack timing.

Now this whole time, the ostensible mcguffin was the code list of all the spies in Europe that Bardem had stolen and was slowly decrypting. He taunts M with his knowledge. He release five names of spies on youTube and will continued to do so every week. At this point, shouldn't there be a ransom demand. Something that says "Hey give me millions or I will continue to release names?" or "I need M to meet me at an undisclosed location" If you are ransoming something, shouldn't there be a ransom demand?

So, Bond takes M out of the hands of her keepers and races off to Scotland to his ancestral home, Skyfall. Yeah. Up to this point, despite it's faults, I was really enjoying the film. It had clever quips. It had great stunts. I liked Ralph Fiennes. I liked the new Q. Bardem was awesome.

Then we entered the third act. We went to Skyfall. Because only Bond could protect M. Yes, they were leaving clues so Bardem could follow Bond on his desperate escape. But it would be a trap and Bond would get him in the end. You are MI6. You have tons of resources. You could call in the army to help with the trap. You could airdrop pallets of weapons to help with the trap.

Nope. All Bond has is his wits and the old family shotgun to protect M. He also has the house keeper who has a shotgun, too. They build cool handmade traps for enemy invaders.

Now, the Bardem's guys aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. Skyfall is set in the middle of a valley. Nothing higher than some grass plants for miles around. What does Bardem's boys do? They walk in a line across the moor to the house. They should have just put guns in their mouths and shot themselves.

Okay, so Bardem had an alternative plan. They were just the stalking goat. Bond and company used up all their tricks on the first wave. Bardem then flies in on a helicopter gun ship. Fine. Why not just decimate the house with the gunship from long range. Launch your missiles. Fire the gattling gun. The object is to kill M, so Kill her. Nope. The shots of helicopter verse ancestral home is fun. But then Bardem and the second group go in. Bond has one more trap which he uses to destroy the helicopter.

Now, all this time. M has been in the house, they have had a secret tunnel that leaves the house. First thing they should have done is get in the tunnel, right? That would be the safest part, especially when a helicopter gun ship is decimating the house. But no, she waits until the last. And since she is waiting, you might as well put a bullet in her.

Okay so M and the groundskeeper are escaping in the dark far away from the mansion. The only thing lit up for miles around is the burning mansion that used to be Skyfall. Well, that and the lantern the groundskeeper is carrying. Oh, look, Bardem, what is that light moving far across the empty moor? Oh, it just illuminated that building. What could possibly be going in there?

Eventually, there is a ludicrous scene between Bardem and M. Bardem wants M to kill both him and M at the same time with a single bullet. When did Bardem get the death wish? Sigh. So, Bond kills Bardem and M dies from her gunshot wounds.

What the hell? Did Bond do anything right? He lost the codes that gave away every spy in Europe. He got Beranice killed. He got M killed. Aren't heroes supposed to stop these sorts of things.

I guess it is not hard to say that this is one of the best Bond films in the last twenty years because so many of them have been crappy. But as films go, it was pretty weak. Like I said, I did enjoy the first two thirds. But everything in Scotland makes me cranky. Yes, the final scenes back in London were nice homages but a little too on the head, I thought.

All and all, still see it. But should have already done that if you have read this far. I mentioned spoilers, didn't I?