Scorpion King 3

[Drunk Monk]

Sometimes a sword fight doesn't help. Sometimes, even a sword fight between babes in barbarian bikinis doesn't help.

Egyptians vs. Thai warriors and ninjas. And demons. Swords and sandals. Shot in Thailand. Never did see Scorpion King 1. Now I don't want to. In a way, I was amused that movies like this still get made. Perhaps that was me just consoling myself.

There must be a drinking game that can be staged with this - something like every takes a shot when a hero parries in sixth to have a henchman cut into that closed line. Maybe you do a shot for every blade that cuts into that closed line - which would be a killer because there were several times when four blades would cut there. And of course, they hold their blades there until the hero pushes them back and they all go flying.

We're doing a promo and they sent extra BRD/DVD combo packs. I'm sending one to CF as he deserves one. Might send some to the rest of you, if you piss me off.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Much like Rambo 3 there was no Scorpion King 1. It was called 'The Mummy'

[Drunk Monk]

I feel ya on that, bro. You don't even know how much I feel ya on that.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Ouch. I stand corrected.

[Drunk Monk]

http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/ezine/ar...ticle=1022
This will go live in a few hours, as soon as our designer fixes it.

Note: Selina makes the classic telling error. She does not divulge where she competed. Same thing JCVD does.

Note 2: She doesn't appear until the last portion of the film. More's the shame.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

That Lem Festerias, he's good.


I was watching the 100th episode of Robot Chicken and they did a shout-out or complete copy of the staircase scene in Tony Jaa's the Protector or whatever movie they did where they fought up the circular staircase for ever.

[cranefly]

Finally watched this. And my first question is, why did this go straight to DVD?
The answer, I believe, is that the people involved had friends in high enough places to provide the financing for a DVD release.

The opening scene sets the expectations for the entire movie. The camera pans down into a dungeon to show the Scorpion King strung up and being whipped. The pan follows a rope down to his wrist and then onward down to his face and then his steroid body. But the rope around his wrist is just a big loop, and the big ape is simply gripping the rope to hold it in place. Good heavens. The opening shot? That gets a "I love loosey" oscar.

This is also in the good grooming style of sword and sorcery. Everyone has a hair stylist, and people very seldom get smudgeoned with dirt. The exception is the Scorpion King's side-kick, an ugly slob with stringy hair and a penchant for never bathing. I felt ill every time he appeared on screen, which was often. I will give the director and writers credit, however, in knowing when enough is enough. This slob's disgusting habit of belching in people's faces stopped at the forty-five minute mark.

Our persian, Halvah, sat at my feet on the recliner during this movie. She was very attentive to the ninja battle in the forest, the one where they keep defeating Scorpion dude but then letting him go so that the fight can resume yet again, and again. Once that fight finally ended (I suspect the ninjas rushed off to enter the Ninja Star halloween contest), Halvah yawned and called it a night.

But not me. I watched it to the bitter end. Kimbo Slice put in an appearance, demonstrating his ability to pose like the Hulk. And Selina fought with the other girl, which was decent swordplay, like doing parts of weapons sparring sets, and I was okay with that, though there was no real give and take to the fights, they weren't really "plotted," and eventually the fights just ended -- from my recollections. Hmmm, I'm fuzzed on the resolutions. I think a spell was broken, so Selina then became the Scorpion's friend.

I felt Billy Zane put in the best acting in the movie, perhaps because he was able to fill the void of the script with a bit more spontaneous reactions. Though he also had the biggest boner in the whole movie when he ripped the ear off an uncooperative messenger (though one can still see the real ear on the messenger) and he holds the ear up to his mouth and says, "Can you hear me now?"

I did see the The Scorpion King starring the Rock and thought it was at least a valid diversion. Didn't see the second. Doubt I will now.

[Drunk Monk]

For films like this, I generally flick on the subtitles and fast forward to the fight scenes. I think I did that for this. I can't really remember. Which is a good thing.

[Drunk Monk]

we do sweepstakes for a few reasons. 1. we can. we get free prizes from promoters, who love it. 2. to get eyeballs. it's all about eyeball traffic on the web. 3. to collect emails for spamming. i confess. we spam. we spam a lot. spamalot. lol. i made a monty python funny. 3. to stuff the prize fulfillment with our flyers. this really doesn't work, but my congratulatory letter is always printed on a subscription flyer.

i just closed this contest and SK3 ranked as one of the top for number of sweepstakes entries. WTF!?!

[cranefly]

DM, have you totally lost your sense of ethics?
I'm not talking about the spam. I'm talking about the congratulatory letter.
Is there any way you could change it to a condolence letter?

I do enjoy bad movies, by the way. I believe you can learn something from just about anything.

But how about you skip asking me what I learned from SK3.

[Drunk Monk]

So....


what DID you learn from SK3?

[cranefly]

Ohhh, crimey.
Let's see.
Properly utilized elephants can make a scene look big. You know, they give the scene an epic feel.
So when you're shooting a film on a tight budget, never skimp on elephants. They're more valuable than good acting.

[Drunk Monk]

But then, we really don't want to get into what you can rent for cheap in Thailand now, do we?

[cranefly]

Yeah, there's too many trunks in Thailand, lemme tell ya....
Hey, babe. Huh? WTF!