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+--- Thread: my father (/showthread.php?tid=108)
Re: my father - Dr. Ivor Yeti - 10-22-2013
Gallows humor is the truest humor. I'm glad for you that you have these really good memories of your time with your dad. I have some with my mom, but really nothing pleasant with my dad.
I have a pleasant memory of your dad - Drunk Monk - 10-23-2013
The only time I ever met him, it put you off your game and I beat you in a fencing tournament. I know, I know, that's not really fair, but it wasn't cheating as I categorically deny having anything to do with inviting your dad to that tournament. If I had, that would have been a masterful stroke. So while that wasn't pleasant for you, it was for me. At the very least, it made up for you humiliating me while fencing in a gay club window.
mt065
Hot Spice - Drunk Monk - 10-25-2013
hospice care is expensive. mom seems secure with the outrageous prices - it is a really good facility however, and as i used to work as a med lab carrier (a job lb secured for me no less), i've seen the insides of a lot of those places and some are definitely better than others. this place is really good, so i suppose it's worth it. my mom is happy with it and my dad seems as comfortable as he can be, given the situation. one of the attendants said he actually said 'activities' which is astounding as he seldom gets off multiple syllable words. the last big word i heard him say was 'bunnies' referring to the bunnies that live in the center courtyard of the nursing home. other than that, it's only been 'yup' and 'mmm'. he's been pulling out his catheter again and i can't say i blame him. mom says he's been eating well, but when i last visited, they just gave him his antibiotics in a mouthful of boost (like ensure - a liquid nutrient drink) and he held it in his mouth for the whole half hour while i was there. he's getting so skinny, like holocaust survivor skinny. mom say she can cash her stockpiled wad of bonds - all post wwii stuff so they've earned just about as much as they will ever earn - and that will hold for the bills for some time. then there are a lot of stocks that can be liquidated. dad played the stocks religiously. i remember him handwriting this huge charts, all in the tiniest font as was his ilk, and having binders and binders of stock portfolios. mom says he did well by those so there's some cash. it trips me out to think that all of those long hours he spent toiling away at that will wind up only to give him comfort in his last days, instead of a trip somewhere exotic or a nice car or something more personally rewarding, but it also gives me and my mom solace, and i know he always worked hard for us and wished for that most of all. makes me wonder about the notion of savings tho.
Nov 23 will mark 10 years since Dad's stroke - Drunk Monk - 11-15-2013
Dad was moved to a permanent room, which is not quite as nice as the one before as it is on the outside wall with no direct access to the courtyard with the bunnies. He now shares a room with another gentleman who turns the TV up too much because he's deaf. My mom has been ill with a bad cold, so I've trying to explain that to my Dad. I think he's been understanding. His comprehension seems way up. I showed him the latest issue of my mag last night and he said "Let me see" and held it admiringly for a while. His responses are very appropriate and his expression is alert. On another visit, I was giving my monologue report of recent news to him, and he responded with his usual 'yep' and 'mmm' but then I said "we're all thinking about you" and he answered sharply "no". When he's alert, there's a light in his eyes I haven't seen in some time. Then he'll drift off into a half sleep with eyelids aflutter. He's pretty much bedridden. I'm told they walk him around the complex every once in a while using a support strap, but mostly he lies in bed of sits in a wheelchair. His face has returned to its former roundness as he has been eating well, but his body is fairly emaciated. There's still no way we can manage him at home.
Mom and I have been trying to figure out the holidays. The nursing home puts on some dinners, but my mom probably won't attend as she doesn't drive at night anymore. We'll get together this weekend for T's Bday (which was Wed - 14 already!)
Re: my father - Dr. Ivor Yeti - 11-17-2013
Wow. 10 year for your dad? The Kid is 14 already? We're *old*. How did that happen?
Looking at first Thanksgiving with just The Harkness Brothers. We'll have a couple of guests, but it will be odd and a little sad to just have the behemoth boys and no Mama Yeti around.
Onward.
young at heart but old in body - Drunk Monk - 11-18-2013
Again, condolences about your mom, C. We're facing a somewhat analogous situation as it'll be the first T-Day that my mom & dad (and me) has spent apart. The nursing home puts on a dinner, but it's a $15 buy in for family and that's absurd for a meal where the only thing I'd be able to eat might be mashed potatoes (no gravy), cranberry sauce and pie. Mom isn't into it either because she doesn't drive at night anymore. We're discussing what to do. I don't want my mom to be alone which means I might have to do the 17 there&backagain twice to get her and pick her up. Or we might have to cross over once, but mom still hasn't seen the bungalow, and T-Day ain't big with S & T as they are veg (plus we're all native American sympathizers as we have some very close friends that are Lenape). So we'll see how that goes.
On a positive note, my mom found my dad's wedding ring, which he lost about nine years ago. It had fallen down behind the bed. Mom told Dad she found it and he smiled and pointed to his ring finger. He's been playing blackjack with an old backpacking partner who visits regularly. He could still play right after his stroke for a while, even though he couldn't recognize the cards on their own, but within the context of the game, he could still play. He's been winning but my dad's friend might be letting him win. Dad has also taken to scooting himself around the hallways of the nursing home in his wheelchair. He doesn't push the wheels with his hands. He steps with his feet. However he still cannot walk on his own, nor can he get to and from the wheelchair to his bed without help.
tomorrow marks a decade since my dad's stroke - Drunk Monk - 11-22-2013
I went by yesterday but he was too sleepy to be present with me. I just sat with him for a while and tucked him in. His new room is not nearly as nice as his old room, and his deaf roommate watches Judge Judy at top volume, so it's not really that restful. My mom says he's been really alert lately, but he was really out of it when I stopped by. He just wanted to sleep. The initial hospice diagnosis was predicated on his dysphagia, but now that has passed and he's looking like he'll last for a while longer. He will likely be taken off hospice in Feb, at which point, the $8K a month will jump astronomically, as the hospice financial aid is significant. We'll have to move him to a more affordable facility at that point.
Happy Chinese New Year! - Drunk Monk - 01-31-2014
I saw my dad on Wednesday for my weekly visit and he was in a strange way. He is scheduled to come off hospice in March. Originally, it was February, but somehow my mom finagled an extension. Little changes when he comes off hospice beyond billing, as my mom is comfortable with the facility he is at now, despite its exorbitant expense and she figures she has the savings to be able to keep him there for another three years before she'll have to seriously look at rearranging her financials. Last week, my dad was unusually listless, so I cut my visit short because it was clear he wanted to rest. One of the caretakers thought he might be coming down with something. Some blood showed up in his urine, so they figured it was another infection, typical for anyone with a catheter for so long, so they put him on antibiotics. Until now, my dad has been doing ok at the nursing home. He's been scooting himself around in his wheelchair using his feet, exploring the hallways of the facility. Just prior to his listlessness, he had a burst of talkativeness, noted by his caretakers.
Two days ago, when I last saw him, his skin was really dry, probably a side effect of the antibiotics. He said "I don't know where I'm going" which is the longest sentence he has spoken to me in years. That night, I stayed at my mom's and we got a call at 4AM that he had pulled out his catheter. There was a lot of bleeding at first, but it subsided, so the decision was made yesterday that he should see a urologist on Monday. My mom visited him and said he ate, but then vomited it up. Today, he seems to be declining even more. Tara and I are coming over tomorrow for some errands and to visit my mom, and my mom said we should visit my dad, which we were thinking about doing anyway, because she's suspicious - the signs are right.
Re: my father - El Dingo - 01-31-2014
Your dad is awesome.
You and I know how good he was to me. He gave me a place to live and get on my feet.
I love your dad and wish him peace.
Ill Omens - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 02-01-2014
My father has a bladder infection and cannot relieve himself. He's spending the day at the Kaiser Emergency Room. Of course, he put off going until after he had paid his bills.
My dad is stabilizing again now - Drunk Monk - 02-03-2014
They bumped up his antibiotics to an IV. Turns out it was another infection apparently and he's eating again slowly. T & I visited him on Saturday and he was resting, so we didn't stay long. I'll see him again this week, as usual.
Slowly recovering again, but not happy - Drunk Monk - 02-06-2014
My dad's doc said that if we had not put him on IV antibiotics, he'd probably be dead now. That being said, we will probably opt to withhold medication when this arises again. He's clearly not happy where he is now. He took a swing at one of the aids today, which is a first. He is refusing visitors. I stopped by last night and he was fairly drowsy and seemed to be in a fair amount of discomfort. He has a large bruise where the stent is placed on the back of his hand for the IV. I chatted at him for a while, but he was nodding out, clearly wanting just to rest.
My mom keeps getting frustrated by small mental slips, all indicators of incoming dementia in her mind. Actually, she seems to be doing ok, all things considered, but it frustrates me to see her so frustrated. She visits the home almost every day, and homes are depressing places, despite all the best efforts. I worry a lot about her alone in that big house. She always leaves stuff on the staircase, using the steps like shelves, and even I find myself tripping over it now and again. Fortunately, she has some really good neighbors and my cousins live less than five minutes away. They are retired and go on trips with my mom to SF and such on a regular basis. I visit at least once a week, sometimes more, just to keep an eye and do little chores. Recently, I got her into Castle, which seems to run on endless repeats on some odd station, so much so that she never even taps her Xfinity for it. We watch it together, along with the news, on the evenings when I crash there. Comfort TV. Lately, she has started telling me odd stories that I never knew about, like just last night she told me she had to keep me on a leash at department stores because I would take any opportunity to run off, especially when talking to sales clerks. I even made a dash for the elevator once but was blocked by some kindly stranger.
Dad is trying to get away - Drunk Monk - 02-07-2014
Dad has been pretty surly, trying to get up out of his bed and out of his wheelchair. He has had issues with this before and has an alarm tagged on to him, a simple pull-string clipping his shirt to a noise-making device. My mom says he was very uncomfortable today and really seemed to want out. They gave him some ativan to quiet him down. Ironically, ativan is a drug I know really well. We use it to settle down IPRs.
Re: my father - Dr. Ivor Yeti - 02-08-2014
During my mom's worst episodes of having no clue where she was, she would try to get out of bed, even though she couldn't stand or walk. They had to put her in restraints.
My dad was restrained too initially... - Drunk Monk - 02-10-2014
...that was right after his stroke 10 years ago. He was getting up in the middle of the night to wander the halls. But he's been content to stay put - very manageable - until just recently. He pulled out his catheter again on Friday night. His prostate is so enlarged that the catheter is mandatory. My mom said he was better on Sunday however, more like his old self, although very drowsy. I'm sure the weather isn't helping as he can't really go outside when it's nasty, which just leaves his room, the activities room, the tv room, the dining hall and the hallways. Even my dog and cat are going stir crazy.