05-17-2021, 10:58 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-17-2021, 11:06 PM by Drunk Monk.)
A Shanghai postcard starring Legolas facing a villainess named Tara and a villain played by my old Shaolin monk friend Shi Yanneng? Been meaning to watch this for four years now.
It's as bad as it sounds. Legolas has lost his elfin beauty and tries to do his best Jason Statham. He sports a cheap bleach blonde do but his eyebrows are dark like Walmart trash. He and his ragtag team are art transporters. S.M.A.R.T. stands for Security Management Action Recovery Team but I only know this because I wikied it. In other markets, it was called The Shanghai Job or S.M.A.R.T. Chase: Fire & Earth. The team lost Van Gogh's Sunflower in a previous job. Inexplicably, they are hired again to transport a Ming vase (actually you can guess it's a set up). His team features an AustralAsian hawtie that kickboxes, a drone flying nerd, and the always amazing Simon Yam. Unfortunately half of the film is spoken in English and none of the Asian actors have the slightest grasp of the language, so every line has emPHAsis on the wrong syllaBLE. Make no mistake - Yam is a great actor - just don't ask him to act in English.
There's a lot of mindless action, meh fight scenes (although Legolas does deliver one decent sequence over half a dozen moves), car chases that make no sense (should really be called D.U.M.B. Chase), and a lot of stunning drone footage. Shanghai is spectacular. I've only been through the airport (which appears in one scene) and it was one of the most stunning architecturally. I've never been through the city but it is one of the few places in China that remains on the list, if I ever get back. Master Grace said she'd take me but I'm sure she was just teasing (but that would be amazing because she could unlock the martial world there for me like no one else).
But I digress. Yanneng (or Xingwu when I knew him - he levelled up re-discipling under the abbot) is totally wasted here - he only delivers one high kick and maybe half a line, otherwise he just glowers menacingly as the right-hand baddie.
The upside? There's some awesome jump rope though - double dutch acrobatics no less. But it's not that awesome, not worth sitting through this whole movie.
No sword fights. Definitely to be avoided by DOOM.
It's as bad as it sounds. Legolas has lost his elfin beauty and tries to do his best Jason Statham. He sports a cheap bleach blonde do but his eyebrows are dark like Walmart trash. He and his ragtag team are art transporters. S.M.A.R.T. stands for Security Management Action Recovery Team but I only know this because I wikied it. In other markets, it was called The Shanghai Job or S.M.A.R.T. Chase: Fire & Earth. The team lost Van Gogh's Sunflower in a previous job. Inexplicably, they are hired again to transport a Ming vase (actually you can guess it's a set up). His team features an AustralAsian hawtie that kickboxes, a drone flying nerd, and the always amazing Simon Yam. Unfortunately half of the film is spoken in English and none of the Asian actors have the slightest grasp of the language, so every line has emPHAsis on the wrong syllaBLE. Make no mistake - Yam is a great actor - just don't ask him to act in English.
There's a lot of mindless action, meh fight scenes (although Legolas does deliver one decent sequence over half a dozen moves), car chases that make no sense (should really be called D.U.M.B. Chase), and a lot of stunning drone footage. Shanghai is spectacular. I've only been through the airport (which appears in one scene) and it was one of the most stunning architecturally. I've never been through the city but it is one of the few places in China that remains on the list, if I ever get back. Master Grace said she'd take me but I'm sure she was just teasing (but that would be amazing because she could unlock the martial world there for me like no one else).
But I digress. Yanneng (or Xingwu when I knew him - he levelled up re-discipling under the abbot) is totally wasted here - he only delivers one high kick and maybe half a line, otherwise he just glowers menacingly as the right-hand baddie.
The upside? There's some awesome jump rope though - double dutch acrobatics no less. But it's not that awesome, not worth sitting through this whole movie.
No sword fights. Definitely to be avoided by DOOM.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse