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Guardians
#1


I posted this trailer in our movie trailers thread but I'm reposting it here to remind y'all.

Had a quiet NYE at home this year. First time since Tara was born. So I dropped the 99 cents on this on iTunes because it had a kickass trailer. Sadly, it sux. It's a Russian spin on the fantastic four but instead there's a dude that can levitate rocks like an earthbender who gets an electro-rock whip, a kung fu dude with half-circle scimitars that moves like the flash, a Ben Grimm-like dude but he's a werebear (same issues as the hulk - afraid he'll never be human again if he keeps converting) and a hottie that turns invisible big only when wet. Ikr? And she's immune to temperature so she can walk around in a skimpy superhero suit in frigid Russia. Actually, she's the only interesting element in this because she delivers some fine acrobatic fight scenes, nothing mind blowing but still amusing. She's played by an actress with the unlikely almost bond-girl-like name of Alina Lanina, and I went to the trouble of following her Instagram just to see if she does more action flicks. The villain is a cgi Bane sans mask that can control any machine with his force lightning bolts including tripod spider gattling gun drones. He leads an army of clones that look like paramilitary Tuskan raiders. Overall the cgi is weak and the story moves along in a most uncompelling way. There's another femme fatale, the leader of the military group overseeing the Guardians. She gets to wear skin-tight leather pants because she the commander (?) but she kept reminding me of Melania, despite little resemblance beyond prominent eastern euro cheek bones and overdone lipstick enhancing her duck lips. There's 45 again spoiling my B cinema. What really ruined this for me was a horrid English dub version. Perhaps if I was reading subtitles, I would have been distracted from the bad cgi and I can't imagine the actual voices being so bad. I'm sure it sounds better in Russian.

Avoid this film. And I can't imagine it's upcoming sequel will be much better.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
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#2
(01-01-2018, 10:34 AM)Drunk Monk Wrote: She's played by an actress with the unlikely almost bond-girl-like name of Alina Lanina, and I went to the trouble of following her Instagram just to see if she does more action flicks. 

That was dumb.  What was I thinking?  Alina's grams were just her travelling the world, posing in skimpy bikinis.  unfollowed.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
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