Yosemite

[Drunk Monk]

Greg has too damn many Yosemite threads. It's like EDs boardwalk bands threads, broken, disjointed, fractious. I can't remember which Yosemite thread I last posted on. Maybe it was the Apu trilogy thread...

So last year, we cancelled our backpacking trip to be with jingles for his last days in his pomcarnation. Stacy gets cranky if she doesn't backpack once a year, and we bailed on backpacking the year before because it was Joshua Tree and the desert was too damn hot. We were going to leave last week and backpack the Grand Canyon of Yosemite, a trail we got rained out of several years ago - spent a whole day under a rock in a torrential downpour...but it was beautiful because we faced a sheer granite wall that revealed secret waterfalls. But this year, tuolumme didn't open until a few weeks ago because it was still snowed in, and the water was so high that reports said creeks broke the trail that were 3 ft deep of rushing ice cold water. I'll ford creeks in full pack as long as the ice water doesn't reach my genitals. Deeper than that and I'm out. None of he high camps opened this year because of weather. The Chinese have gone to extraordinary lengths to perpetuate this climate change fake news. Now there's the wildfire in Mariposa, where my mom-in-law used to live. The valley is smoky but the tourists are undaunted. 

So we're still on. Snow line is 9500 and the highest we should go is 9400. Two of Tara's high school friends are coming - both have never backpacked before. We have passes for half dome and plan to enter at Tenaya lake, make it for Merced lake and the through little Yosemite to half dome then back to the valley. I'm recovering from a right groin pull, a likely broken little finger knuckle on my right hand, a chipped toenail on my right middle toe, and my blood sugar has been unusually high lately, despite a decent diet. All of the maladies fall under geez disease. But it's gonna be awesome because Yosemite is California's cathedral of nature, and it always moves me. 

Work is really busy.  Haven't had a break since long before KFTC25 AF and the light at the end of the tunnel - the 'normal' two weeks in between this launch of summer 2017 and moving tara to SD, just got taken away. Tiger Claw must redo the sprinklers and will get new carpet for our office which means everything must move and be replaced that week. And my office space is buried under 18 years of detritus. 

I'll have two days between Yosemite and rotr. I won't be driving solo like usual for rotr because I know I wouldn't make it home on my own so I'm traveling with three ladies from my krew. I've always framed of being carried into to an event on a palanquin, but they'll probably be carrying me out on a stretcher.

Summer 2017 got no chill.

[Greg]

If you feel this trip will be too taxing, I'll be more than happy to swap my one patient for your what should surely be a disastrous trip to the mountains. I'll even cover your shift at ROTR.

I'm a giver.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

It's a trap!

[Greg]

I know, why don't you put 2017 in your post title so you know when you went?

Crazy talk, I'm sure.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

That is also a trap, I'm certain.

[Drunk Monk]

The detwiler fire is now 50% contained but there are lighting warnings which is bad for half dome because it always gets struck. Always. Plus standing on huge granite slabs with lightning rod backpacks is almost as dumb as fencing in a vineyard during a nearby tornado. 

It's work that's bugging me now. I clocked out at 4 ready to start my vacay officially, and then I get a slew of Facebook messages about work from various outsiders who just don't get that I'm on vacation. I should just turn my phone off. Actually I'll have no reception whatsoever by tomorrow so my iPhone becomes nothing more than a panoramic camera.

Sorry to miss your next trip to 'toga, Greg. I'll try to beam you healing Yosemite vibes if I'm not being struck by lightning or being eaten by a bear or freezing my junk fording an ice cold stream (actually if that does happen, I'm beaming that vibe to all of DOOM, so if you experience sudden retraction, I'm in your brain and not at all happy about it).

[Greg]

Hike safe. Cannibalism is still illegal, even if they are newbies.

[Drunk Monk]

Yosemite never fails to inspire but man, this trip was an asskicker. I am so sore. Everywhere.

I have to work Monday and Tuesday - wash gear & repack for rotr - I leave Wednesday.

Full DOOM report to follow...eventually.

[Drunk Monk]

I am so fucking sore.  My whole body.  I'm walking around like I have a pine cone shoved up my ass.  Not even one of those small pine cones.  We're talking like a huge sugar pine cone that pokes all the way up to your throat without even the common courtesy of a reach around.

[Greg]

I'm betting Tara and the newbies aren't sore. They probably sprinted rings around you and raced you to the top of Half-Dome.

If only you knew a masseuse....

[Drunk Monk]

Nope. We all sore. 

My wife is currently getting a full body massage using her spa credits from her work. Me & Tara are at the laundromat.

[Drunk Monk]

We arrived safely at Crane Flats amidst numerous bear warnings and past the fire, which really wasn't that bad.  We picked up 2 extra bear canisters, 1 additional back country pass and extra half dome passes.  It was my family, plus Tara's bf Alex and a classmate Akio.  Alex had only backpacked once before with his school class.  Akio had never backpacked and his mom sent him up with a janky borrowed pack that needed to be de-beared.  She packed shampoo and conditioner, aka useless bear magnets, because you can't shampoo and condition on the trail.  There was a cute pom in the next site over, and a big ol' bear trap at the trailhead.  I watched a butterfly die, it just fluttered about before me until it stopped, which I tried not to interpret as an omen.

The next morning I drove everyone to Tenaya Lake, and then drove back to stow my car at Crane Flat, then hitchhiked back to Tenaya - a two-hour operation.  I hate hitchhiking.  I always feel so judged.  All the hippie kids were really nice, pausing as they passed to say 'sorry, full up' but the rest looked at me like I was homeless.  Then a solo reporter picked me up, an environmental journalist form Oakland no less, on his way to high country to meet with some researchers.  We had a great chat and exchanged biz cards.

Stacy had already released the others to hike on ahead, so she and I hit the trail to Sunrise High Camp.  None of the High Camps opened this year, and Tuolumne  was set to open the following week, which meant the shuttle wasn't operative.  Our plan was to make our way to Little Yosemite over the next few days, then do Half Dome, then come down via the falls, and take Yart back to Crane Flats.  Tenaya to Sunrise is about 5+ miles, with a climb of about 1300 feet. Sunrise is at 9400.  Didn't seem like much on the map but in full pack, it kicked my ass.  I'm so out of shape for backpacking. It was a death hike.  And despite Stacy's denial, there was snow.  SNOW!  I don't backpack in snow.  But it goes past some stunningly beautiful lakes and the streams were very full.  Gorgeous.  

Then there were the mosquitoes.  Holy crap.  A swarm of biblical magnitude.  We started to notice them as we approached the lakes, but we kept moving so it didn't seem so bad.  So much water, a short season because it was defrosting now, so lots of breeding pools.  I have never seen so many bugs.  When we stopped, we became dinner.  Terrifying.  We were too tired at that point to move on so we set up our tents as quick as we could, just the shells, dove into them, and spent the next half hour killing what came in with us.  Then we bundled up as best as we could and went out to set up the rest of camp and place the bear cans in the High Camp bear lockers.  As I was finishing up, preparing to enter the tent, I was seized by a wicked calf cramp that hurled me to the granite in pain.  I could only lay there while the mosquitoes feasted, until my leg loosened up enough to crawl in the tent.

This is a pic of my backpack that I posted on sitonmyfacebook.  All those flecks are mosquitoes.  Everything looked like this when were in Sunrise.



Want to know what happens next?  Stay tuned for the next chapter.

[Drunk Monk]

The next morning, I got up early to filter water.  The bugs didn't come out until the sun rose, but then they were back in full force.  We broke camp without breakfast and fled Sunrise, only noting quickly how beautiful a place it is - a stunning sunrise over the frost covered marsh  Once we cleared the ridge, the bugs were gone.  We stopped there with a commanding view of Cathedral peak and Half Dome, for a wonderful brunch.

The rest of the hike was downhill for the most part, so much easier on my half-century old bod.  It's so gorgeous up there.  You don't see anyone for miles and when you do, there's backpacker's courtesies exchanged - genuine smiles and tips about what lies ahead on the trails. These trails just opened for the season, so they were a wreck.  Trees fallen across, washed out parts, snow covered sections - we all went astray at points.  We got within a few yards of a log-munching marmot and an 8 point stag.  We wound up camping in a burnt out area - trees ravaged by fire but the undergrowth was returning.  We found an established camp area with a stone fire pit (which I rebuilt to burn some paper trash) that overlooked a babbling stream, a perfect place to filter water.  Lovely.  It was so warm and pleasant that we left the rain flap off our tents to see the stars at night.  After a traumatic first day death hike, Yosemite was opening up her treasures.  

Want to know what happens next?  Stay tuned for the next chapter.

[Drunk Monk]

I forgot to mention that I made the grievous error of tuning in the radio when driving my car back to Crane Flats and sadly heard Despacito.  That was a wicked earworm.  Out in the back country where you can't hear anything but nature, your breath and your beating heart, feckin Bieber was echoing in my mind.  It was very very regrettable.

The hike to Little Yosemite was wonderful.  Once we left the burnt out area, which was beautiful in its own surreal way, we were back in the redwoods working our way downwards.  The wet winter made for spectacular wildflowers everywhere and those commanding landscapes were absolutely breathtaking. Akio became convinced he was being stalked by a squirrel which he named Paul.  We found a fine campsite at the Lil' Yose backpacker's camp near the camp boundary and settled in.  The downside was my thermarest, which must have gotten scraped in the hike.  It had a slow leak, so I was basically sleeping on the cold hard ground.  I vowed never to use a thermarest anymore, nothing inflatable, and will switch to one of those folding pads that don't inflate.  

Want to know what happens next?  Stay tuned for the next chapter.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

OK, Captain Click-Bait, where's the next hit?