Outcast

[Drunk Monk]

Sometimes I gotta watch stuff like this for work. That's why they must pay me. Note that this is a DOOM-eyes-only review, notes for an article I am working on.

So this was a Canada/China production, a flailing attempt to capitalize on the monstrous film market that the PRC has become. It was released over there earlier this year, tanked horribly, and went direct to streaming here (I rented it on iTunes). It stars Nic Cage, adult Anakin, and Crystal Liu Yifei....and Jack Tu. Ok, not really. The article I'm doing is on Jack and he said he worked on this project, but I could find him anywhere in it, and he is uncredited, which is amusing as everyone is credited - this film has like thousands of Chinese and Canadians in the credits (note that Jack lived in Canada for most of his childhood). So here, I'm calling B.S. on Jack. In the article, I'll write that between the lines. That's the DOOM-eyes-only part. (Coincidentally, I'm working on an interview with someone who in every English web cite is listed as a member of the U.S. Olympic team - I double-checked that an found no mention of said person in any U.S. Olympic team - my B.S.ometer is hypersenstive after Joshua Tree).

So back to the film, it's been heavily panned by everyone, so I wasn't expecting much. I like Nic. I know, I know, he's like Keanu, some like him, some hate him. I like him. He's turned in some great films - Leaving Las Vegas, Windtalkers, Face-Off, Birdy, Wild At Heart, etc. Here, he is terrible. I mean super terrible. He's doing some sort of accent - Scottish? Irish? Sort of UKish? He doesn't develop it at all so it just sounds silly. Anakin plays the disciple-gone-bad again, but this time he's into opium, not the darkside. Crystal looked not-so-cute at first, so much so I didn't think it was her, that maybe she broke her China doll nose or something. Andy On is a decent villain. But where this dies is the dialog. It's painfully bad. I would have liked it much better if it were in Mandarin or translated into Spanish. In English, every line is wince-worthy and the actors do little to save it.

The director is a stuntman so the action is ok. There are a lot of swordfights. In fact, it's like one huge swordfight. It starts with Crusaders storming a Muslim fortress, quickly shifts to China for a chase scene (save the emperor's kid from evil brother usurper) and ends with another siege of the Black guard on a thieve's cave. It's shot one-action/one-shot, but there's some amusing fights. The downside is that it is not filmed well. It's not jiggly; it's that weird staccato stuttery way of filming, which makes the action scenes choppy. WTH do you call that? There must be a technical term. Greg, help me out here. That ruins some decent action.

The locations are stunning. China is gorgeous. The film as some gaping stupidity. Why does Crystal, the fleeing princess, insist on wearing a regal white silk robe when everyone else is in ruddy earth tones? Reminds me of the MP line "must be a king, hasn't got shit all over him". How hard is it to find two white guys in medieval China? There's Nic, Anakin, and who else, Marco Polo?

So this film wasn't as bad as some of the reviews said, but it's not worth your attention.

[cranefly]

You almost had it, DM. That film technique is called StaccatoVision, first used in The Gatling Gun (1971). It's similar to JiggleVision, first seen in Showgirls (1995).

Obviously I got nuthin. I'll go away now.

[Drunk Monk]

You almost had it, DM.

you almost had me on this one. well played sir.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Got a name for this Olympian? That stuff is really well-documented.

[Drunk Monk]

The interview fell through, but I'll share it here for DOOM eyes only because it's a funny DM story.

I just did an interview with Dustin Nguyen for Man with the Iron Fists 2 (<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.kungfumagazine.com/ezine/article.php?article=1216">http://www.kungfumagazine.com/ezine/art ... ticle=1216</a><!-- m -->). It was a promo job, but I did want to chat with Dustin because he's been doing some good films lately, which I've reviewed here. The other interviewee was Eugenia Yuan, the daughter of the legendary Cheng Pei Pei. I didn't know her from Eve, so I did my usual background web search, and every major English source (IMDB, wikipedia, etc) reported that she was on the Olympic team for Rhythmic Gymnastics and ranked 4th in the world. Now, as y'all know, I went deep into the gymno world with my daughter and have tremendous respect for rhythmic gymno and there's no way any American was ranked 4th. We suck at that sport. So I checked with the NGB of gymnastics, an org with which we were formally members, and sure enough, she was no where to be found on the Olympic team listings. The U.S. doesn't even field complete teams for rhythmic. After a lot of websearching, I found an old article that said she was one of the top four Americans to watch at the national qualifiers, but she did NOT make the team. I was totally prepared to out her politely in my intro to her interview, but the interview fell apart due to technical difficulties and then scheduling.

I might get another chance. She's in CTHD2.