G.I. Joe

[Drunk Monk]

Rise of the Cobra.

Gonna see a screener tomorrow, so I did my homework and reviewed part one. Here are my notes:

Channing = top of the list for actor-who-shoulda-got-his-butt-whupped-by-Cung. He had GI Joe's signature facial scar but looked far too wimpy for the role, at least based on the original doll. I would have preferred someone more grizzled like Max Martini

Acting: This is based on a cartoon based on a plastic doll. The acting is fine for that.

Lots of explosions. An orgy of explosions. I remember playing with GI Joes when I was a kid and blew them all up with firecrackers in the end. I think that's the proper way to stop playing with dolls.

Incomprehensible level of collateral damage - the toll on innocent bystanders would be astronomical, but that's never really addressed.

There are sword fights - ninja sword fights no less. No Bollywood. Can't remember if there was blood spitting - too many explosions made me forget.

Iron Man/Clone Wars vibe. Hot girls, ninjas and explosions. What's not to like?

Looking forward to 3D shuriken. If you are into cheeseiness like me, the cheese factor for a ninja throwing shuriken at you alongside hot girls from an explosion in 3D has entertainment value.

[Drunk Monk]

The centerpiece is the 3D ninja battle while rappelling off the mountainside - you get a taste of it in the trailers. That was worth the price of admission...which in my case was that I have to write a formal review now...

[Drunk Monk]

...now read the review. This was fun to write. <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/ezine/article.php?article=1089">http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/ezine/a ... ticle=1089</a><!-- m -->

As a side note, I won a KOFY TV 20 shirt at this screener. They were sponsoring the sneak and tossing out tchotchkes. The first question was who the hosts of the late Sat nite horror Creepy KOFY TV 20 show were. I knew, but didn't say. I have a ton of shirts. I'm looking at getting rid of a footlocker's worth of shirts. But no one could answer and I felt bad because it's a great show. Well, not great, but I watch it because sometimes, on a late Sat nite, nothing satisfies like cheesey horror. So I won the shirt. I'm wearing it now. It's a little snug.

Also yesterday, G.I. JOE sent me a Snake Eyes mask as part of a bribe...er, promotion...for this film. It was too small for me so I gave it to one of our graphic artists who has a little boy. He thought his kid would love it.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Don't look too closely or the film will be spoiled. Thanks for the note on the facial scar, DM. I wouldn't have picked up on that.

We have a Radio DJ who's main criteria for films is that they be loud. This one certainly qualified for that. Punches were loud. Blade strikes were loud. Explosions were loud. Soundtrack was loud. There were a lot of fun battle set pieces. I could watch London being destroyed for much longer.

I did keep imagining myself with the dolls playing out this movie. And then we go to Chine and fight on this cliff face. Meanwhile the president is a traitor and I have satellites that shoot missiles. And my tank is going to drive through all of your tanks. Yee ha.

I know he's your friend and all, DM, but the RZA cannot act. How did he get two movies? What made the director say yes, I want this man? Unfathomable.

Fun. diverting. Loud.

[Drunk Monk]

It was all about that cliff fight in 3D. That was uber awesome.

As for the rest, I fully concur with your opinion.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Enjoyable 2 hours of distraction.

[El Dingo]

Ray Park (Snake Eyes) is a close, personal friend of both DM and I. His performance is sublime. Why he did not get an Oscar nod will forever remain a mystery.

The rest of the film is terrible, cliched and horribly edited.

There is one, great fight/chase scene through the snow-covered cliffs of Tibet or East Germany or something, but the rest is standard "invade and blow up military base" faire.

To summarize, the Snake Eyes scenes were entertaining, the rest sucked balls.

[Drunk Monk]

Wow part 1 was dumb. Retaliation was so much better, which is more of a statement on how dumb Rise of Cobra was. Usually it goes the other way with sequels.

I don't care for Tatum here. He's not thick enough. My G I Joes where more broad faced. The film is so cliche - it's a Star Wars wannabe with dogfights and cockpit guns, and a wish-it-was-epic sword fight in a lightning silo - that plus Iron Man with the Joe suits.  Ray has a padded ninja suit which he doesn't need - the foam muscles look smaller than his real guns. But at least he busts a butterfly twist over a lightning bolt in his sword-fight, so my 2.5 hours and iTunes rental fee will give me half a sentence maybe...

[cranefly]

Looking forward to that half a sentence.
--the butcher

[Drunk Monk]

I got a full sentence out of it plus a follow-up reference.  They might not survive the next rewrite tho.  I'm enjoying where this piece is going, but it's no where near what I originally envisioned it would be.  Then again, I didn't have much in mind here beyond just telling Maul's tale...

[Greg]

Why is Den of Geek letting you get scooped by Entertainment Weekly, DM?

[Drunk Monk]

EW is a tad bigger than DoG. 

I’m ready for Snake Eyes tho...

[Greg]

Just a tad. In all of the two movies I have seen him in, I really like Henry Goulding.

(Or is it 3? Did he play a bad guy in one? He did! The Gentleman. )

[Drunk Monk]

I really like Henry Goulding.

He's so dreamy.

Watch this next: http://www.brotherhoodofdoom.com/doomFor...p?tid=5922

[Drunk Monk]

Snake Eyes