02-27-2013, 06:56 PM
Not to be confused with Ong Bak, this film was originally titled Yamada: The Samurai Of Ayothaya. It's the Last Samurai, but instead of Tom Cruise, it's a betrayed samurai, stalked by ninjas, who ends up in Thailand to train Muay Thai and Muay Boran. It's shot in some very scenic places in Thailand and strangely, there are no katooies. It's a bicep show - none of the guys ever don shirts (but if I had biceps like that, neither would I). What's more, the Thai fighters have outrageous thick mustaches and mullet-like poofed mohawks. There's a lot of sword fights. There's a Thai dance number (almost Bollywood). There's ninjas. And it's painfully mediocre, sad to say.
What goes wrong? Well, first, CGI blood, a lot of it and poorly done. The fights are mostly slow and mediocre. One of the Thai fighters is good, but the credits where in Thai for the roles and in English for the actors, so I couldn't make heads or tails of who he was. The rest are big muscly dudes, but they don't move that well. The samurai sword action is incredibly weak. There's a cute munchkin girl that you just want to elbow in the face. The love interest has dumbo ears and with Thai girls, you always have to wonder if they are katooies. The lead Japanese dude is annoying. The villain barbarians were dreadlocked and totally out of shape in comparison to the Thai fighters - too fat or too skinny - the 2nd to last battle was just a mess because the villains were just massacred. The best thing about ninjas is that anyone can play them, but even those fights were disappointing. The worst part is that it's filled with all this Thai patriotism - die for country and king - with which it wraps your head in its cinematic arms and knees your skull repeatedly without mercy. And I thought the Chinese anti-foreigner flicks were bad.
It's such a shame really - one of those films that you watch and think 'you had all that resource and this is the best you could do?'
They just bought KFM's topmost banner, so I can only review it disparagingly here.
What goes wrong? Well, first, CGI blood, a lot of it and poorly done. The fights are mostly slow and mediocre. One of the Thai fighters is good, but the credits where in Thai for the roles and in English for the actors, so I couldn't make heads or tails of who he was. The rest are big muscly dudes, but they don't move that well. The samurai sword action is incredibly weak. There's a cute munchkin girl that you just want to elbow in the face. The love interest has dumbo ears and with Thai girls, you always have to wonder if they are katooies. The lead Japanese dude is annoying. The villain barbarians were dreadlocked and totally out of shape in comparison to the Thai fighters - too fat or too skinny - the 2nd to last battle was just a mess because the villains were just massacred. The best thing about ninjas is that anyone can play them, but even those fights were disappointing. The worst part is that it's filled with all this Thai patriotism - die for country and king - with which it wraps your head in its cinematic arms and knees your skull repeatedly without mercy. And I thought the Chinese anti-foreigner flicks were bad.
It's such a shame really - one of those films that you watch and think 'you had all that resource and this is the best you could do?'
They just bought KFM's topmost banner, so I can only review it disparagingly here.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse