China 2011-2012

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I am so screwed. I'll just keep the camera glued to my face.

[Drunk Monk]

They won't expect you to speak Chinese. But you'll get so much further with a few words. It'll make the difference between paying $10 and paying $1 (and they'll still be ripping you off at $1)

weishengzhi

way sheng jher (zhi rhymes with her)

toilet paper

Always carry some. Always.

[The Queen]

toilet paper

Always carry some. Always.

Gosh, I'm going to be missing out on so many experiences by staying at home and taking care of the dogs and cats. Guess I'll just have to live with that.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

The Queen = Smart.

[Drunk Monk]

The closest I've been to Shaolin in winter was April. It was freaking cold. There's no such thing as insulation in China and none of the heaters worked. What makes it hard is there's never any shelter - it's relentless cold. And it can snow at Shaolin. I'd never go in winter. I've heard horror stories from friends trying to heat their hands with their laptops. I don't have a laptop.

Of course, the last time I was there was 6 years ago and conditions have improved dramatically. Nevertheless, hope you packed some warm things, like arctic survival warm.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I brought my winter shorts.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

And boy was I getting some eyeballs on me.

It's midnight. I am in Zhangzhou. Holy crap

But I can Skype, too.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I just got the midnight room call. It was some woman. If only I spoke Chinese so I can know what she wanted. DM's stories are way better.

Also mattress I am sleeping on is still better than the bed at the folks house.

[The Queen]

I just got the midnight room call. It was some woman. If only I spoke Chinese so I can know what she wanted. DM's stories are way better.

Also mattress I am sleeping on is still better than the bed at the folks house.

But not as good as the king size at home. Which Maeve didn't even sleep on last night. I think she's depressed.

[Drunk Monk]

I'm sure she wanted welcome you to Zhengzhou with an offer to 'fix your pants'.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I'm sure she wanted to read to me from the little red book.

I am destined not to have a language guide while in China. The first one was forgotten at my parents house. The second one was left in the cab last night. Along with my snacks.

I am still armed with Bu Yao which the porter at the Beijing airport thought was very funny when I unleashed it on him.

[Drunk Monk]

Funny, I was just on fb chat with Sal, who was chortling about getting your American ass over to China. I'm impressed that you can now log on with such ease over there. Back in the day, we'd be lucky to get a fax.

Remember, you can also use Yao if you do want something. Remember weishangzhi? Yao weishangzhi = want toilet paper. All the cute girls who work the hotel and call you at midnight will think that's as funny as the Beijing porter did.

Be safe, bro. Watch your back. China is an amazing place, but the Chinese will fuck you like a Capitalist bourgeois pig if they feel you aren't giving them face. Give good face and the doors will be wide open to you.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Plus, this way you know where to send the State Department.

Hotel Tian Quan in ZhangZhou

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I'm going to try this a little differently and blog as I go.

Okay, it wasn’t the flight from hell. I got the aisle. Thanks be to Allah. But it was a twelve and a half hour flight and those are no fun. Oddly the woman and her daughter who set in the middle and window seat did not leave their seats for the entire flight. That is stamina.

I was able to swim the current of customs and made my way through to my connecting flight in Beijing. Not a lot of signs, but there were enough. And they were in English which is good because that is the only language I can communicate in at the moment. Don’t expect this to change in the future.

I was not able to get on to the free wifi,which was a disappointment. All they wanted was my passport number. At this point, I was ready to give it up because I needed to see a few things in English. I know. I should have stayed home. The best thing I saw in the Beijing airport gift shops were the giant bags of Beijing Duck. The stores had a lot of them.

Things got a little hairier at the Zhangzhou airport. I expected to see my contact person, Sal’s smiling face when I disembarked the baggage area. Not so much. I also had to talk my way passed security because I had left my baggage tags in the Beijing plane seat pocket. It turns out my passport number is also on my baggage tags.

I wandered the arrival area for about a half hour waiting for Sal. I was getting quite the stares because I was indeed wearing shorts and everybody else was wearing big coats. I was probably getting stares as well because I was the only lost looking caucasian wandering the airport.

I decided it was time to head out on my own. Sal might have missed the date or maybe this was just a big eff you because of how the filmmaking had gone or whatever. My paranoia was slipping up a notch.

I went to the taxi ranks because that was the one thing I had learned from the few pages of my guide to China which now resides at my parents house. I showed the Cab drivers the address I had for my hotel in Zhengzhou. I even showed them the map I had printed out in order to find said hotel. I got a lot of laughs and head scratching in return. They weren’t going to be driving me to Zhangzhou. They suggested the bus.

I was turning in that direction when I heard Sal shouting to me from across the parking lot. I guess he was going to pick me up after all. He had taken a Taxi from town with his girlfriend Patty. That cab was going to be taking us back to Zhangzhou.

The ride was dark and foggy and a bit brisk so I didn’t see much of the countryside on the way in. It was after eleven but roadworkers were still out working on the streets. There were two toll stops and cameras took pictures of our cars at each one. Total cost for the ride in from the airport was $30 bucks.

Sal and Patty were staying at a different hotel than mine. We tried to coordinate our stays but communication was poor due to lack of internet access.

I had the fear that I was going to be in some flea pit because the cost of the room was only $22 a night. When the Taxi stopped and pointed to the hotel, I thought there had been some mistake because it was a pretty big hotel. Turned out we were at the right one. Sal and Patty went with me to the counter to make sure I got in okay.

Turns out you have to leave a cash deposit at the front desk, because they don’t take those foreign cards. If that is the case with my Dengfeng hotel, I did not bring enough cash.

The room is fine. There are two beds and internet access via ethernet cable. There are plenty of stains on the carpet, the molding is cracked in various places, and I feel like I’m smoking cigarettes every time I breathe. On the plus side, I’ve made it to China.

I Skyped with Cindi for a bit which was a relief. After the call I thought I would dine on my lovely bag of pretzels I had brought with me all the way from Los Angeles. As a matter of fact, I had sent Cindi back to the house to get said bag while I was changing money in the bank. I went to a lot of trouble for those ranch flavored pretzel pieces and now I was going to enjoy them.

Or I would have if I hadn’t left them in the cab. Which is where I also left my other book on China. It was the not really important book of Chinese phrases to help me get around in China. I guess I am not supposed to speak to the locals.

Since my internal clock is really screwed up at the moment, I woke up at 5am after going to bed around 1am. Although I didn’t really sleep. Much to tales of the contrary, the showed did supply very hot water. And I braved the elements by washing my teeth with the tap water.

Exploring the hotel, I found there were a lot of much nicer floors than the one I am on, full of nice paintings and chandeliers. I even found the place where I was going to have my breakfast buffet. I never did find the ping-pong and card rooms that were in my hotel guide.

I had some time to kill before the buffet opened, so I decided to take a quick fear filled excursion away from the safety of the hotel. I walked to the doors next door where I noticed the train station. It’s a lot closer than I thought. As a matter of fact, it is under my hotel.

I also braved a store where I purchased some water. Two bottles, seventy cents.

Breakfast wasn’t bad. I had lots of rolls and sesame sticks. I thought I was getting tea but it turned out to be hot milk. It did not appease me.

After breakfast I realized that my bags had been searched really thouroughly at the airport. I went to take my pills only to find one of the bottles had been opened and all the pills were in the bottom of my shaving kit. Now, I could have left the top loose, but then again it is a child proof top.

I had about three hours before I was to meet Sal for the bus trip to Dengfeng, so I decided to put on the big boy pants and actually walk the streets of Zhangzhou with camera in hand.

The hotel fronts a big open space. As I said below me is the train station. Across the square is the bus station. Tons of people were in both areas waiting for the respective modes of transport. American fast food is everywhere. On my end of the square are three McDonald’s. On the other end are two KFC’s. I’m thinking these two chains succeeded because of the predominance of red in their logos.

I used the first tunnel of Zhangzhou to get across the crowded streets. I thought that was going to be my last in Zhangzhou as I descended into the darkness of the barely lit tunnels. I would never use a tunnel like this in Los Angeles. But there were plenty of people down there waiting out of the cold of the ZhangZhou streets. There were shops down there, too, but they hadn’t opened yet.

I wandered around, getting a lot of looks at my camera by the residents. I braved one alley that seemed to be an outdoor foodcourt. I walked into a toy shop where I almost bought a remote controlled helicopter that came in this really nice case. I was laughed at by street sweepers. Two cops were curious as to why I was photographing them. I gave them a little demonstration of the camera and then hurried away. I walked into a mall that just seemed to be six floors packed with clothing vendors. The first floor only sold blue jeans. If I had phrase book, I could probably talk to them.

Time to pack up and get ready for my trip to Dengfeng.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

You are a brave man.