08-01-2008, 02:26 PM
Some times you make terrible mistakes in life. Going to see this movie would be one of those terrible mistakes. I'm going to fill this review with tons of spoilers in the hopes you won't go see it. As for spoiling the movie, I don't think I could do a worse job than the filmmakers themselves.
Two undead armies are meeting on the plane in front of the great wall of china. Did I mention undead? The leader of one army screams "Death to General MIng" as he urges his army forward. General Ming was also drawn and quartered earlier in the film, yet at this point he is only missing an arm while he leads his army. I guess before they buried him, they rounded up most of his parts and put him back together.
There were three different accents working amidst the three main characters. Brendan Fraser talks with that wierd accent know only to him. Maria Bello was doing her English accent for all it's worth because Rachel Weisz decided she would rather go off and be an actress. I think Maria took her accent from Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady with one of the speakers turned off. All I can say, is give that lady a ham. Their son Andy, for some inexplicable reason, had Mark Wahlberg's Boston accent. It was great to hear the three of them communicate their trite dialogue using these different tones.
Poor Jet Li. He seemed to be playing a poor caricature of the Hero from Hero. Most of the time he was bathed in CGI clay or fire. When he wasn't bathed in Clay, he merely acted like it. Great to hear him speak in chinese though. However during one sequence while Li is calling down a curse, Michelle Yeoh is trying to cast a spell from some cool ancient book. Li gets to speak chinese and is subtitled while Yeoh speaks English, while reading from the ancient chinese book. Poor Michelle Yeoh.
There were some plot in there, something about the Dragon emperor rising from the dead and taking over the world. Fortunately, he has some whacky Chinese Nationalists to help him. There's talk of going to Shangri La for some fountain of youth.
They do meet Yeti's. The yetis are just hairy versions of the CGI vampires from I am Legend. But there nice pet Yeti's who do anything for the nice chinese girl.
The middle plot point. They have to race the Dragon Emperor to the temple to block him from going to Shangri La. If the dragon Emperor puts the diamond on the top of the temple it will show him how to get to Shangri La. Fraser and company fly past the Emperor and get to the temple before him. They set a dynamite charge on the temple. If the emperor defeats them, they can blow up the temple. Why not just blow up the temple to start with? They also seem unsure of how to get to Shangri La, yet the chinese girl with them, grew up there. So, they really didn't need the secret temple beam in order to find Shangri La's location. Sigh.
Dull Nap time. Poor Jet Li. Poor Michelle Yeoh. Fraser gets what he deserves because he's been begging to do a new Mummy movie. I guess you should go see Indiana Jones. I like it much more after seeing the wreck that is the Mummy 3
Two undead armies are meeting on the plane in front of the great wall of china. Did I mention undead? The leader of one army screams "Death to General MIng" as he urges his army forward. General Ming was also drawn and quartered earlier in the film, yet at this point he is only missing an arm while he leads his army. I guess before they buried him, they rounded up most of his parts and put him back together.
There were three different accents working amidst the three main characters. Brendan Fraser talks with that wierd accent know only to him. Maria Bello was doing her English accent for all it's worth because Rachel Weisz decided she would rather go off and be an actress. I think Maria took her accent from Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady with one of the speakers turned off. All I can say, is give that lady a ham. Their son Andy, for some inexplicable reason, had Mark Wahlberg's Boston accent. It was great to hear the three of them communicate their trite dialogue using these different tones.
Poor Jet Li. He seemed to be playing a poor caricature of the Hero from Hero. Most of the time he was bathed in CGI clay or fire. When he wasn't bathed in Clay, he merely acted like it. Great to hear him speak in chinese though. However during one sequence while Li is calling down a curse, Michelle Yeoh is trying to cast a spell from some cool ancient book. Li gets to speak chinese and is subtitled while Yeoh speaks English, while reading from the ancient chinese book. Poor Michelle Yeoh.
There were some plot in there, something about the Dragon emperor rising from the dead and taking over the world. Fortunately, he has some whacky Chinese Nationalists to help him. There's talk of going to Shangri La for some fountain of youth.
They do meet Yeti's. The yetis are just hairy versions of the CGI vampires from I am Legend. But there nice pet Yeti's who do anything for the nice chinese girl.
The middle plot point. They have to race the Dragon Emperor to the temple to block him from going to Shangri La. If the dragon Emperor puts the diamond on the top of the temple it will show him how to get to Shangri La. Fraser and company fly past the Emperor and get to the temple before him. They set a dynamite charge on the temple. If the emperor defeats them, they can blow up the temple. Why not just blow up the temple to start with? They also seem unsure of how to get to Shangri La, yet the chinese girl with them, grew up there. So, they really didn't need the secret temple beam in order to find Shangri La's location. Sigh.
Dull Nap time. Poor Jet Li. Poor Michelle Yeoh. Fraser gets what he deserves because he's been begging to do a new Mummy movie. I guess you should go see Indiana Jones. I like it much more after seeing the wreck that is the Mummy 3
So much for the flickr badge idea. Dammit
