Jackie Chan & Jet Li

[Drunk Monk]

Ever seen the Mr. Vampire series and the legions of zombie films that followed?

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Mr. Vampire sat on the table in it's little red envelope for quite some time before I returned it without watching. I couldn't remember why I wanted to get it. now I know and it's gone. I have "Find me Guilty" in it's place. I wonder if I made the right choice?

Better watered down than none at all.

[Drunk Monk]

Mr. Vampire goes some unexpected places. It's a kung fu slapstick zombie flick. It sparked a whole genre, which peaked at Crazy Safari (Gods Must Be Crazy III - and yes, you need to understand GMBC I & II to get the whole impact). Have you seen the Chinese Ghost Story trilogy? It's quite good. Great camp, hilarious story arcs, some kung fu fighting and a lot of fun. I'd recommend the whole trilogy highly (although I haven't seen it in a long time, so it might come off dated because the special effects were all pre-CGI and really cheesey.)

[Drunk Monk]

It's on the official site. http://www.forbiddenkingdommovie.com/

[scapino]

How can a film that features some one named Li Bing Bing as The White-Haired Demoness not be good?

[Haggis Killer]

Directed by Rob Minkoff, one of the directors of The Lion King. He also directed Stuart Little. Should be solid family fare, if his instincts hold true.

[Drunk Monk]

http://www.movies.yahoo.com/slideshows/g...ngdom.html

[Drunk Monk]

with a teaser on the J&J fight
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/theforbi...howVideo=1

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Should I put up the countdown clock?

[Drunk Monk]

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=77680

[Drunk Monk]

Check out Kung Fu Superstars on Yahoo
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809869644...0/#7077413
and the Showdown on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agyUFtXN0...2E&index=1

[Drunk Monk]

go see it.

interviewed rob minkoff, john fusco, collin chou and crystal yifei liu at the ritz carlton. talked with jan wahl for about an hour. trippy day.

more to come. maybe cf will chime in with a review.

[cranefly]

TWO FREE PASSES

So I get these two passes from DM for a special advanced viewing of Forbidden Kingdom to be held in the Pentagon's war room. Since Lady Cranefly has prior commitments, I know it would be cruel to tell her -- so I don't. Instead I mumble something about going to a very long movie and that I'll be back in a couple days, then I give the other ticket to Lady Gee I Sure Hope Lady Cranefly Doesn't Find Out About Me.

The cross-country flight by fighter jet is uneventful except for the acrobatic maneuvers. With an abruptness reminiscent of all-too-many romantic interludes, we screech to a halt on an aircraft carrier outside the Pentagon's number 3 side. After a ninety-seven-gun salute (in honor of the combined ages of Jackie and Jet), we are escorted down a red carpet and into a Pentagon mocked up with three additional sides in what I presume is an obtuse -- and unfortunate -- allusion to Norris's OCTOGON.

A SMALL MATTER OF SECURITY

Security is tight inside the Pentagon's war room. A bald "drill sergeant" strides up and down the aisles, carrying a long duffel bag (I never do find out what's in it). Every time he sees someone with a cell phone, Blackberry or other gadget, he orders them to turn it off. One guy is a bit lackadaisical about it, saying he will turn it off before the movie starts. Not a good idea. The drill sergeant growls something, points to the exit, and suddenly the device is off. Though Lady Gee I Sure Hope Lady Cranefly Doesn't Find Out About Me and I are careful to turn off our many unmentionable electronic devices, we are not immune to scrutiny. A stern lady charges up to us, saying, "You can't sit here! You're going to have to move. These seats are reserved. Only very important people--" As she rails, we pull up our sleeves. She takes one look at our DM tattoos and says, "Oh. Never mind."

Just before the movie starts, a man takes the stage. He says that this viewing is made possible by special arrangement, and that all electronic devices must be off. He makes clear that no part of the movie, not even a still shot, is to be recorded, and that the war room is filled with special electronic devices designed to detect any such violation. If caught, the media will be confiscated and the offender kicked out and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. The mention of "law" (Lady Cranefly's initials) make me cringe, but I take comfort in the knowledge that she is 3000 miles away -- until my cell phone rings. Though it seems rude to power off the phone without answering her, the man's glare on stage convinces me that it would be prudent.

LUMINARIES

I should mention that several luminaries took the stage before this, each speaking a few words. I might get this slightly wrong, in which case DM can correct me. They were the director Minkoff, the fight choreographer Yuen Woo Ping, an actress and actor who were prominent secondaries, and Fusco the writer. I don't know much about Fusco, but what little I've read by him and heard about him has impressed me. Now he impresses me further with his succinct speech: "This is a dream come true. Enjoy the film."
At this point Lady Gee I Sure Hope Lady Cranefly Doesn't Find Out About Me is on the point of tears. Even though all the event literature has made clear Jet and Jackie will not be attending, Lady Gee I Sure Hope Lady Cranefly Doesn't Find Out About Me All has been begging to differ. All night she's been predicting that Jet and Jackie will show up. She even had me half-believing. Had they shown up, I'm sure she would have gained access to them. I saw it happen firsthand in San Jose four years ago when she squirreled through thirty security guards to shake Jackie's hand (she hasn't washed that hand since). But they do not show.

MY SENTIMENT

Finding a good vehicle for Jet and Jackie is like trying to find a gerbil in Richard Gere's lap. You just know it's nearby. You can hear its damned squeaking. But -- truth be told -- you'd better be prepared to dig through a whole lot of messy intestines to find it.

Neither Jet nor Jackie are spring chickens. Jackie's face can still sparkle, but its natural set is now deeply lined and even tired-looking. He's always wanted to be a legitimate actor, able to stand apart from the martial arts; but at age 55 you can see the lost hope in his face. He's no longer suitable for largely comedic roles, or at least those of his drunken master years. That is unfortunate, because he doesn't have much of a range. When he tries such roles these days, it comes across as, well, hideous, and you end up feeling sorry for him.

As for Jet Li, his cheeks have pudged, his pocks chasmed. The boyish cheer is gone. There is now a goonish aspect to his expression that plays havoc with leading roles.

Neither are pretty boys anymore. What to do with them?

In a nutshell, Hollywood (and movie studios around the world) should be ashamed. They didn't act soon enough. They frittered away the years until it's simply too late to bring these two titans of kung fu cinema together in anything but a travesty of what could have been. My sentiment in recent years has been, Why bother?

So now, belatedly, comes Forbidden Kingdom. They finally did it. But at what cost to all concerned? As I sit in the Pentagon war room and salute the Chief of Staff while waiting for the movie to start, I have few doubts that it will be bad. The question is, how bad?

THE MOVIE

NOTE: This review has been tested on twelve hamsters to ensure that it is spoiler-free.

Saying anything about the plot could spoil things for the reader, so my lips are sealed. Likewise telling anything about the characters. Upon reflection, I think it's safest to just give you a blow-by-blow of the Jet Li/Jackie Chan fight scene. Yes. You knew there had to be one.

THE JET LI/JACKIE CHAN FIGHT SCENE

Just before the fight starts, Li is in full Buddhist regalia, calm and collected, downright monkish -- which I suppose makes sense because he IS a monk. But he is no couch potato when it comes to provocation, and when confronted he rises to the occasion to deliver a series of high kicks to Shamrock's upper body. Shamrock responds with some hard punches, getting through Cung Le's defenses a couple of times. After that they trade blows, choosing a standup fight to test each other, even though both are reputed to be great ground fighters. Neither fighter gains the upper hand as round one ends.

In the second round, Cung Le takes the fight to Shamrock. The fighting is brutal, with scores on both sides. The fight goes to the ground briefly, with Shamrock threatening a guillotine; but Le breaks free and they return to stand-up. The round ends with both bleeding and a general consensus that Le prevailed.

The tide turns in the third round as Shamrock turns super-aggressive. He staggers Le with a right and drives him across the cage. Le looks rattled, in trouble, but he reaches far down into his monkish attire, grabs hold of his dantien, and fondles new life… Uh. He, uh… So he reaches far down and gathers himself. "Gathers himself" is such an odd expression. What exactly does it mean? But that's what he does. He gathers himself, re-finds his center, and -- even though he's caught in Shamrock's tornadic fury -- he seeks out and finds the Eye of Enlightment at the center of the hurricane, which he props open with one fist while hypnotizing the pupil with his other fist into a dilated state. Maintaining his center in this way, and just as round 3 is ending, he throws a high kick that Shamrock blocks, only the block becomes two blocks conjoined by connective tissue. The general consensus is that Shamrock won the third round, but with a parrot named Phyrric perched on his shoulder.

Shamrock cannot answer round 4 due to a broken arm.

As you can see, the Jet Li/Jackie Chan fight is not the token exchange I had feared it would be. It lasts long enough to have a plot. In fact, it is longer and more inventive than I could ever have imagined. Jet, Jackie and the fight choreographer worked long and hard together on it. What's up with that? I mean, how is that possible? The opportunities for ego-pooh were bounteous and extreme. Yet somehow -- and I don't know exactly how -- they all worked together and at length to pull off exactly what the script called for.

Kudos to all.

MY ILLEGAL RECORDING

This could get me in trouble, but, well, the temptation was too great. Click here to see my recording of the movie. This recording, by the way, is spoiler-free.
http://garywshockley.com/scar/Images/for...ording.jpg

Here's an interpretative guide: As the movie started, I put a pen to paper and started to draw. I drew throughout the movie, never lifting my pen. By doing so I sought to capture the ebb and flow of the action, the richness of the scenery, and the various character interactions. Where the story was quiet, my line was long-ranging and gently curving. Where action peaked, my line turned jagged and Brownian. I started in the bottom left. If you follow the line from there to the very end, you will get a very good feel for how the movie will affect you without having it spoiled.

CHARACTERS

Okay, I'll touch lightly on the characters (nothing that I'd consider a spoiler).

To my horror Jackie reprises his drunken master role; then to my astonishment he pulls it off better than ever. Likewise, Jet Li reprises his tried and true Shaolin monk role, but gives this one an earthiness and maturity not seen before. Both Jet and Jackie work well together on screen, and their interactions with the naïve Caucasion protagonist are often surprisingly funny. While English remains a strain for them, they show a surprising nuance and subtlety in their physical and facial performances.

CONCLUSION

I didn't see it coming. Jet and Jackie are brilliant in this movie. But a fair amount of credit must go to three people behind the scenes. Jet and Jackie desperately needed the right vehicle, and neither of them was capable of creating it for themselves. Fusco the writer created a vehicle that fits them both to perfection, and director Minkoff and fight director Yuen Woo Ping translated it from paper into three dimensions for one of the greatest 3D martial arts movies of all time.

I forgot to mention it's in 3D. Yeah, well, it's not. I made that up.

But everything else is true.

[Drunk Monk]

Spoiler
Jet takes Jackie with a TKO golden shower

[Drunk Monk]

Does anyone want Forbidden Kingdom tchothkes? I have a ton of them. Let me know.