Stro

[Greg]

I'm sure that was completely coincidental.

[Drunk Monk]

It's the YT algorithm.  It automatically selects the sexiest face and posts that.  

[Greg]

True. But I overrode that to put your picture in.

[Drunk Monk]

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

OK to watch with my S.O.?

[Greg]

Sure. Give her my apologies in advance.

[cranefly]

I have watched.
How should I proceed with comments?  I'm hesitant to post here, as it might influence/distort other people's perceptions.  By email?  Or just go ahead here?
Or wait a day or two?

[Drunk Monk]

I’ve not watched but pondered the same thing. Been trying to get my TV to pick up Fox for the superb owl. Dug our the aerial and messed with it for a while but no. My TV is a libtard when it comes to Fox. Maybe I’ll just catch highlights online. 

But back on topic, I was planning to post here so it might be more of a discussion. And also to group humiliate Greg. Or praise him. The vid does have a super smokin hawt lead shot. It’s only DOOM after all. And discussin film is what we do.

There better be sword fights.

[Greg]

If you have detailed notes, you can email them to me. We can do a general discussion here.

Thanks for watching, CF. I'm curious about your opinions since I think you know the Stro story least.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I like the theme. Didn’t like the poem.

[Greg]

Noted. I have problems with the poem, too. But I thought I would try it. It has only recently appeared in the movie.

[cranefly]

There better be sword fights.

Ohhh, the temptation to answer this is so strong.

But no.  No spoilers.

[Drunk Monk]

Well, I tried to get my aerial working to watch the superb owl, but no.  I'm following it on the web.  Meanwhile, I watched Stro.  

The poem didn't work for me either, especially as the open.  If you're attached to including it, I'd move it to the end credits as something to keep people's attention as they scroll. The intro was the weakest part and that's tough because you really gotta set that hook to reel them in.  I'd rework the intro entirely but I don't know how yet.  Let me ruminate on suggestions.

Once it gets rolling, I enjoyed the overall flow of the story.  I learned a few things I didn't know about Stro, or at least, put it all together in a linear timeline.  That was enjoyable - thank you for that. 

I assume the title cards you had for some of the narration are placeholders.  I trust those will be filled in later.  

Don't repeat images.  Way too many uses of that nekkid stro shot.  If you need filler, you might be able to add silhouetted fencers, or shots of fencing.  It could use more sword fights.  Seriously.  Your draw is that this about fencing so you should show more fencing somehow.  I'm sure that's something you can stage easily.  Fencing is your sell point so maximize that at every opportunity.  Work fencing images in everywhere that you can.  The narrative is a deep dive for fencers, so that's totally covered. This needs the shallow surface swashbuckling for non-fencers, otherwise it's just a bunch of old talking heads (and one super hawt martial arts publisher) that no one outside the fencing world knows.  

Some psychedelic effects could enhance the drug portions, but be super subtle about that. The one thing sobers miss when they try to catch the psychedelic vision is they overdo it.  It should be just accents on the edges, in the periphery, so the viewer isn't quite sure if it's real or hallucination. That's also an audience that you'll want to cater to too.

The use of the old issues of American Fencers to introduce talking heads was inspired.  It needs a sound effect tho.  Maybe something like a ringing sword sound?  You could poach one off any sword swinging Kung Fu flick.

Define the difference between Saber, Epee and Foil before discussing it.  That'll dangle for any naive audience, which is pretty much everyone except all the fencers who will watch this.  And you got them already.

PPFY comes of very well.  Gay does too.  Jr would come off better if he wasn't so slouchy.  I am proud to be the long hair talking head, even though I've shorn my locks since then.  I like to think Stro would be proud of that, especially since I'm the outlier, the one talking head who has no significant competitive record or fencing achievements.  I can't even play the token Asian card cuz ya got Connie.  But I gotz locks.  Or at least I did.  Seriously tho, it's a honor to be included.  Stro had a profound effect on my life too. 

For a first rough cut, it's got a good story flow and rhythm.  Most of it just needs polishing.  The intro needs reworking.  That's the most glaring flaw.  Keep chipping at it, Greg.  It's going the right direction.  Good work!

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Agreed on the old issues of Am Fen mag — that was very smart.

Also agree on the poem for end credits; I was thinking same. If you have to have it, it would work there.

Agree on the need for a Fencing 101.

Agree that the flow is good after the intro. You nailed the theme.

Also agree that it is going the right direction

Also agree that it is Good Work.

[Drunk Monk]

if only there was footage of when ppfy & dm fenced in that gay club window.

that would've made a superb opening.