The Move to Awahnee

[Greg]

I don't think you have to add the drunk qualifier. I think it's the tight knickers that make him so mean.

A bit of a panic over the weekend in selling Lynch Manor. We got all the inspection reports and they found lots of things that needed to be fixed. The price tag was $12230. I thought that was way too high. Basically, the main sewer line has cracks and needs to be replaced. The house has plenty of termite colonies that need to die. And there was some windows that also needed to be fixed. All these things need to be done but I didn't want to pay for them. I countered with $5000.

This offer was met with deafening silence. And best of all Agent Paul was out of town so I couldn't reach him every ten minutes to find out why they hadn't called me. I felt like I had screwed up the deal. The Tortensons (the home buyers) were going to pass. The house would have to go back onto the market. The home selling process would begin anew. Aargh.

I was trying to think of a way to increase my offer to avoid all that. Having done the inspection reports makes putting the house back on the market problematical. I now fully know what is wrong with the house and what needs to be fixed. I have to disclose that to potential sellers. Previously I could kind of know what is wrong. Now, I fully know what is wrong. This could mean a lower price than what we currently have.

It was a weekend full of worry. I'm also signing the mortgage application for Lynch Lair at Coyote Station. I'm also doing the house taxes. So, many fun things.

Late Sunday, Paul called with the Tortensons response. They came down to $9K on the fix up the house money. They argued that was as low as they could go because of financial hardship. Strangely, that is the same argument used by the Lynch Lair people about not going lower on the price of their house. Why can't I use that argument.

I kind of did. There is game to the house price and the mortgage. When you close Escrow and determine who gets paid, it's based on the price of the house. If I sell the house for $750, it's one set of costs. If I sell the house for $741, it's a lower set of costs. Naturally, I want to say the price is $741 for the lower costs. (Yes, we are deep in the weeds) But, if I do that, sell the house $741, the Tortensons don't get any money at the end of Escrow like they were anticipating. They need that cash.

I agreed to sell the house to them at $750. They agreed to lower the amount I refund to them at the close of escrow to $8K which makes up the difference of the amount of money I would have saved if the house was $741. At some point in the negotiations, Paul argued to the Tortenson's agent that I needed money for my own house move.

The result is that we are all clear on buying and selling the homes. If the Tortenson's pull out now they owe me the deposit. So, the home is pretty much sold. (Still knocking on wood) The mortgage for Lynch Lair is in process and will be done by Thursdayish (still wood knocking).

Escrow on Lynch Lair closed on May 10 or May 12. We will start moving in that weekend. I have to immediately build a fence to restrict the Council of Curs. I also need to build a shack to house the Free Range Ferals.

Escrow on Lynch Manor closes on May 20. All should be full steam ahead at this point.

On Friday, we are going to Lynch Lair for our own home inspection to make sure there aren't any creaky surprises there.

[Drunk Monk]

I don't think you have to add the drunk qualifier. I think it's the tight knickers that make him so mean.

It is a bit redundant and repetitive. 

And tight knickers make DM hawt.     

I also need to build a shack 

Wait... a shack?  Didn't we used to fantasize about the Shack?

[Greg]

Your fantasies are weird.

But, yes. I now recall the shack fantasy.

[Drunk Monk]

Your fantasies are weird.

But, yes. I now recall the shack fantasy.

I think cf has the weird fantasies market cornered here.

I wasn't sure if the Shack fantasy was with the Brotherhood of DOOM or some other mirror-universe brotherhood I'm involved with.

[Greg]

So, it's all about the paperwork at this point. Lots of interactions with Docusign for both our houses (Don't quote Romeo and Juliet at me) I just got off the phone with, Tiffany who is in charge of the loan to buy the Lynch Lair at Wildcat Station. The underwriters have gone over all our documents to make sure we are cool. We are except for a couple of little things.

The weirdest of which was why I had a credit check done back in March. Was I possibly sneaking out to secure money and debt I hadn't reported to my favorite mortgage people. Well, I didn't recall authorizing any credit check back in march, much less assuming more debt. So, I looked up the company that had run the credit check. That company specializes in working with mortgage brokers. And then all the puzzle pieces fell into shape. I remembered who had ran a credit check on me back in March. It was Tiffany. She did it to prequalify me for the loan. Silly people.

We will be at Lynch Lair on Friday for the home inspection and to plot our home improvements. At this point those included the fence for the dogs and cats, the garden shed, the SHACK and maybe the place for the tower. The Queen mumbled something about looking at the interior to find out places for furniture et al. I told her I had plenty of boards and milk crates and cinder blocks to make things.

[Drunk Monk]

Is it still too premature to say 'congrats'? 

I hate being premature.  I'm not ED.

[Greg]

My whole world is signing documents.

I just got a gold star or atta boy from our Mortgage Provider for gathering documents.

You can congratulate us when we are in the new house on May 12th. And again on May 17th when Lynch Manor closes Escrow.

[Drunk Monk]

You can congratulate us when we are in the new house on May 12th. And again on May 17th when Lynch Manor closes Escrow.

mmkay, i will wait.

that's right when i'm deep in the tcec zone so it might not be as timely.

[Greg]

that's right when i'm deep in the tcec zone so it might not be as timely.

Hmm, I have no idea what you are talking about.

[Greg]

Excitement. Intrigue. Theft.

We are back in Raymond to see the house. Our home inspectors toured the house. They found a missing fire wall in the attic and some of the plugs next to the sink need to be GFI plugs and are not.

So, yippee on the inspection.

Then we noticed that the really nice refrigerator in the kitchen was gone and a crappy one was in it's place. All the appliances in the kitchen were polished steel Frigidaires. The new fridge was a white Kennmore. Cue the bitching.

At first our realtor seemed to think that was acceptable. The Queen started complaining. I started complaining. Our realtor called their realtor.

The home owner's realtor told us that the homeowners had sold the previous Fridge before they sold the house. Ah, no. We had seen the Fridge when we did the walk through. Then the realtor asked if we had any proof that we had seen the Fridge. Grr. It's in all the pictures on Zillow.

The way it currently stands is that we either get the Fridge back or they give us the $1800 for a new Fridge.

[cranefly]

Yeah.  That's getting a tad shabby.

They sound like people you wouldn't want living next door, and the good news is that they're moving out of the area, I presume.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Probably traded for meth

[Greg]

One of the upshots of the refrigerator farrago, is that The Queen and I popped in to look at Refrigerators at the Home Depot.

First off, the Home Depot and the Lowes in Madera are weird. First off, they are empty. Empty like a church on Thursday. Plenty of room in the parking lot. Service people came up to us and asked us if we needed any help.

Refrigerators have changed a lot since I last bought a fridge 30 years ago. First off, they have built in android screens in the door. One actually showed a picture of what was in the fridge if you were too lazy to open the door. It also would take a picture of what was in the fridge and send it to your phone. Do I need that in my major appliances?

[Drunk Monk]

First off, the Home Depot and the Lowes in Madera are weird. Secondly, they are empty. Empty like a church on Thursday. Plenty of room in the parking lot. Service people came up to us and asked us if we needed any help.

That can't be right. Service people?  No, you're in some other place.  

And you mean 'second off' the second time you say 'first off'.  I editz for mi bread...

[Greg]

Still coming down off 4:20 weekend.

It was completely weird. I just went to my Home Depot here in Los Angeles and things were back to normal. Parking lot was jammed. Lines were long at the cashier. If you even glances at the employees they did immediate turnarounds and headed in the opposite direction.