OzzFest @ Shoreline 7/1/6

[Drunk Monk]

You know, I just wrote this up and accidently deleted it, so now I'm pissed. Figures. Fucking OzzFest. :twisted:

I'll rewrite it later...maybe.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

The one post I had to return to later isn't a post at all. figures.

[Drunk Monk]

There's nacho cheese and then there's ranch dressing. For some reason, some one left one of those industrial jugs of ranch dressing at the tent table at OzzFest. There was no salad in sight, so DM figured it was a nacho cheese substitute. It actually works better for OzzFest, since it has that white trailer trash quality so associatable with ranch dressing. Raunch dressing - 'nuf said. Some one also left a box of glazed donuts, which a friend wound up munching late into the night. Dm kept telling him to dip the donuts in the ranch dressing "2 great tastes!" but he wouldn't bite. That was just a little too Homer Simpson, even for him (but DM could tell he was tempted).

About 100 intakes, 60 some incidents, 4 rolls or so. Aaaahhh, OzzFest. Quite a culture shock after SNWMF, let me tell you. There was this dude who was working the tour - his job was to let people kick a soccer ball into his head from about 20 ft. They could win CDs and shirts. Most were too drunk
to get anywhere near him. There was a booth called "i love vagina" (see http://www.ilovevagina.com/ NSFW obviously) and another booth selling glow-in-the-dark thongs with all sorts of rude funny statements
like 'it won't lick itself' and 'i'm the boss. i have the pussy'. There was the
ubiquitous air-brush your titties booth, and DM estimates some two dozen, err, a dozen takers, maybe more. One or two nice pairs but mostly nasty. One obvious silicon-job sunbathed her airbrush goods before the tent all afternoon - they stood perfectly sculpted, like marble, unflinchingly hard as implants can be. It was impossible not to ogle, despite the augmentation - she was clearly very proud of the job and rightly so.

The best OzzFest moment came as DM was wandering over the bridge. A young raunchette had a t-shit on that said 'french kiss me. it's my
23rd birthday.' Another raunchette, a hot one, with airbrushed titties, took her up on that and the two did a prolonged exchange that was quite arousing. A few more steps would have DM face-to-face with a 50-ish obese airbrushed tit ogre woman screeching 'get away from me!' in a drunken stupor to nobody in particular.

Lots of piss, blood and vomit, quite typical for OzzFest really.

Ozzy went on at 4PM on the side stage, and he's become nothing more than a lounge act - last year he impressed me with War Pigs. This year it was all "thank yew mountain view!" He was peppy, moving quite well for a man of his scar tissue, but musically uninspired. Didn't really tune into the rest of the acts. A lot of newbie volunteers wanted to check them out, so DM dutifully manned the tent and bemoaned his age with other older RM vets. It was DM's first shoreline show of the season, an odd one to open. DM came home with some swag - a cloth Jagermeister frizbee and a LED Corona necklace. Prolly not the best to share with the kid. Could've brought home that jug of ranch too. Mmm, ranch.

[Drunk Monk]

Got there around 2ish (it was a Thursday after all). This was the mellowest Ozzfest I've ever been at. Free tickets were offered on the website, methinks because even Ozzheads weren't stupid enough to pay money for this anymore. Nevertheless, the Ozzskanks were out in force. The booths weren't nearly as overwhelming or entertaining. "I love vagina" was still there, along with the same freak show tent that was at Vans. Vans was actually a rougher show. The only act of note was Hatebreed, and then only because I was walking a drunk and his brother out to a taxi and it was their favorite song, so they told me about it. Worked with this guy for an hour plus - he was stout and physical, had done time (claimed it was because he killed someone, but that seemed unlikely) kept complaining about his ankle. We wrapped the ankle just for placebo. Later, he shouted "WTF happened to my ankle!?" He was my bud because he almost fell over when urinating and I caught him before he cracked his skull and pissed on himself. Once the parking lot side stage closed, things got really dull. Ozzy closed the main stage. He opened with a rocking Carmina Burana, which sounds great over a major sounds system, and then proceeded to do his lounge act again. Mr. Crowley (an ol' fav), War Pigs and Crazy Train failed to impress. He looked good though - healthy considering. He's better when he's all strung out. Then he can summon the devil. Now he can barely summon an audience. Sad really. He should go out with a blaze, not as a lounge act.

[Drunk Monk]

Ozzy Osbourne cancels all shows, says his touring career is over

By Issy Ronald, CNN
Updated 7:09 AM EST, Wed February 1, 2023

Ozzy Osbourne injured his spine four years ago.

Harry How/Getty Images

CNN — 
Ozzy Osbourne announced the cancellation of his upcoming shows, and said his touring career is over because he “is not physically capable (of it).” 
In a statement released on Wednesday, the 74-year-old said he had a major accident four years ago in which he damaged his spine and that he can no longer cope with the travel required for a tour. 
“My one and only purpose during this time has been to get back on stage,” he said. “My singing[b] [/b]voice is fine. However, after three operations, stem cell treatments, endless physical therapy, and most recently groundbreaking Cybernics (HAL) Treatment, my body is still physically weak.”
During his career – which began as a member of groundbreaking heavy metal band Black Sabbath – Osbourne won Grammy Awards for both his solo work and as part of the band, which he left in 1978. 
Osbourne postponed his 2019 tour to recover from the initial spinal injury and said Wednesday, when he canceled the tour, that he was “honestly humbled by the way you’ve all patiently held onto your tickets for all this time.” 
His farewell European and UK tour was set to begin in Helsinki, Finland in May. 
The heavy metal legend has suffered a series of health setbacks in recent years, revealing his Parkinson’s diagnosis in January 2020, contracting Covid-19 in April 2022 and undergoing surgery two months later.
Osbourne’s team, he added in the statement, is “currently coming up with ideas for where I will be able to perform without having to travel from city to city and country to country.”
He ended the statement by thanking his family, band, crew, longtime friends, Judas Priest and his fans “for their endless dedication, loyalty, and support, and for giving me the life that I never ever dreamed I would have.”