My job is really weird sometimes...

[cranefly]

Just plowed through the Hanzo the Razor trilogy of films.
What a brilliant premise.
Oddly, I kept seeing DM as one of Hanzo's two helpers. standing attentively close by while Hanzo did whack jobs on his tackle.

Maybe you should rename your workplace the Hanzo Zone.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

You usually leave the computer work for the week. Hence, not a lot of post battles on the weekend.

Reality Land, Fantasy Land. Can you even tell the difference? I'm thinking they both blow. Crotch Crunching.

Meat Fest 2008 just ended and I'm still a little loopy.

[Drunk Monk]

I've only seen one of the Hanzo movies. For some reason, I think I saw it with HK. I seem to remember him describing it just before we were going to see a chanbara double feature (we were there to see the other flick) and not remembering what it was called, and then the movies started and he squealed delightedly 'this is it!' DM was very impressed.

And bon touche, mon ami glynch. The partition between reality and fantasy are pretty damn blurry for ol' dm. Thankfully, the iron crotch workshop is over here and things can return to normal, whatever that means...

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

That's enough to say my job is wierd, right. Oh, and evacuation.

[Drunk Monk]

So the next iss is the shaolin special (shh, don't tell, that's a doom-only insider's scoop). Dm needs to take care of his shaolin family in this issue. He's been training with a former monk and needed to find a way to include him in the issue. A few months ago, Dm hit upon the idea of having him do a broom form, a simple form that Dm knew he knew, never before seen in print. Dm made a big search for a traditional broom (basically a stick with some straw attached) in Chinatown a few weeks ago to no avail. It's surely there, but Dm got distracted (such is Chinatown) and ran out of time. Dm decided to make one. After all, he used to make swords. How hard can it be? Turns out, not hard at all, thanks to the wondrous invention of the hot glue gun.

GM Tu (aka iron-crotch-dad-of-jackie-chan's-disciple) is here this week teaching special workshops to a handful of students. He was very amused at dm's project and noticed his cough (Dm is recovering from a slight cold), so he quickly brewed up some chinese herbs to increase dm's qi. GM T's wife served up some fresh soy milk, as GM T goes off to burn moxa on a piece of cactus on dm's boss's knee as some sort of arcane voodoo curative. Dm sips his soy milk (which was unflavored, but really fresh and tasty) along with the sidecar shot of herb brew (which wasn't that bad, sort of cough syrupy) and continues to work on his broom while pondering the fact that, yes, he is on the clock for this and, yes, this is how he makes his living and provides for his family. An odd moment of surreal contentedness settles over dm's ever-worried brow, mostly because it gives him a sense of that ol' dead lyric 'ain't no place I'd rather be'.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I need a project to do with my man-crush, Iron Crotch Dad. Pictures, video something. No moxa, though.

[The Queen]

Lewis Black once pointed out, and I thought you might want to know, that it's not soy milk, it's soy juice. It's not milk, because a soy plant does not have boobs.

[Drunk Monk]

Check your dictionary. Here are some milk definitions:

any liquid resembling this, as the liquid within a coconut, the juice or sap of certain plants, or various pharmaceutical preparations.

A liquid, such as coconut milk, milkweed sap, plant latex, or various medical emulsions, that is similar to milk in appearance.

any of several nutritive milklike liquids

2. (Bot.) A kind of juice or sap, usually white in color, found in certain plants; latex. See Latex.
3. An emulsion made by bruising seeds; as, the milk of almonds, produced by pounding almonds with sugar and water

mmmm, are those chocolate chip cookies i smell?

[The Queen]

I prefer Mr. Black's definition. Boobs should be required if you're going to call it milk.

[Drunk Monk]

[youtube]11Camuw2cgI[/youtube]

Right now, Gm Tu is cooking up some herbs again. The office has that funky Chinese herb smell. Fortunately, it's not too offensive. At least I don't have to listen to Tu's students slapping themselves and grunting anymore. They've all taken a break for lunch.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Maybe your time would be more productively spent with Iron Crotch dad? I'm thinking your spending way too much time at the wrong intersections of the internet.

[Drunk Monk]

...we worked out a piece on iron palm for the print mag. iron palm is a fav amongst kung fu peeps. basically, you smack a bag filled with beans, then rocks, then iron shot, to toughen up your hands. then you rub a lot of funky smelling liniment in your hands. i tried it for a spell and found it way to monotonous to keep my attention. there's a ton of articles on this, and a ton of books and videos. cf and i even made some videos on it when we worked for wle. i have this theory that iron palm is for stupid people. it's so simple really. the problem is that it works - if you smack your hands against a bag of iron shot every day, you'll be able to deliver a serious blow - and it's not good to call people that can smash bricks with their bare iron palms stupid. cf and i, we milked it. everyone milks it. i still milk it. i'm happy when someone sends me a new iron palm article, even thought it's the same old thing. there's really not that much to iron palm - smack bags, rub liniment. unless, of course, you're grandmaster tu. now i've done a fair amount of research on the topic, background research for the vids, my own dabbling, and all those articles we've published. tu brought so much new material to the table, once again, i was in freakin' awe. sure, he tows trucks with his boys, but damn. he's got such deep knowledge on kung fu, it's truly mind blowing to work with him. sadly, he only speaks mandarin and my boss is a little a.d.d. when it comes to translating. she's not the most organized thinker. tu is all over the place too - his theory bounces from hardcore applications to heavy daoism, all while he's demonstrating all sorts of bad ass moves. the dude is over 50 and still moves like a cougar, fast, fluid and powerful. we slapped (pun intended) a piece together in about an hour and a half, but i could have written a book if i just let him roll. tu is just brilliant - inspirational and illuminating.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Mancrush line forms to the right.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

You know, If I piss off a vendor, they write a snarky e-mail. If you piss-off GM Tu, he could kill you with a glance. Or worse.

[The Queen]

As you all know, I work with court reporters. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Thought you all might enjoy them.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
__________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess..
___________________________________________ _

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No; this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.