Doom Dogs

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Maybe trade her in for a tortoise?

[Greg]

Dammit! The door from the mud room to the garage was definitely locked.

Aoife still met the Queen at the car at 3am as the Queen left for the airport.

[Drunk Monk]

Yuki rolled in a dead seal at Seabright beach this morning. So we’ve added a trip to the dog wash to our cluttered Sunday itinerary.

[Drunk Monk]

Yuki rolled in another dead seal during this morning’s walk. I guess it’s dead seal season at Seabright beach. Stacy just gave him a bath here. Yuki looks befuddled about why he got two baths in a row.

[Greg]

aoife has gone to chase the coyotes that surrounded the house last night. Hopefully she will return.

[Greg]

When I spotted the cow quietly munching grass in the area in front of the house, I knew the rest of the dog walk was going to go poorly. Aoife tugged on the leash to go speak with the cow but I pulled her along with towards the back yard. Lily just followed along by my side hoping we would soon get to another spot where I would give her a chicken treat. Behind the house lies the dirt trail I made that cuts through all our property and some of the vacant property to the west of my land. I let the dogs off the leash so they can burn off some energy and the dogs kind of stay with me. Well, one does. Aoife made a beeline for the front of the house to talk more with the neighbor's cow. Lilly followed me down the path to the creek and up the hill on the north half of the property. I would occasionally call out for Aoife to return to me but those were all just wasted breaths. Until I am the farther point from my house and still on my property. I can see the neighbor's property where the cows escaped and I can see Aoife on the road running in and out of the bushes. She's probably a half mile away from me. 

I give a call, and to my amazement, Aoife starts running towards me at fool speed. I track her white body as she makes her way along the path to the creek and then up the trail where she meets me. Aoife stops, sits at my feet, and looks up at me for her treat. I congratulate her profusely and give her the chicken bits. Hooray. Adventure over for the day, right? Usually, Aoife stays pretty close after running around like a lunatic.

I descend the trail with dogs. They stay with me. I approach the road where my trail ends. I call it the chicken spot because that is the spot where I always dole out chicken. Lilly knows. Lilly knows. When I walk a few feet up the road without giving her reward, she starts driving her nose into my pocket where I keep the chicken. The chicken spot is also where Aoife gets to be put back on the leash. I call for here to come but I am less than surprised when she does not respond. There are cows in the area.

Sure enough, just up the road, Aoife plays with the herd. Her favorites are the calfs. The mama cows try to defend their calfs from Aoife. But for Aoife, it is all just great fun. Lily joins in as well but not quite as enthusiastically. Lily skirts the edges of the herd of about 16 cows. There are mamas and calfs and one big balled bull. Fortunately, the cows and dogs all head towards the gate to the Brechbuehl's ranch where the cows belong. I ascend the incline up the dirt road with the cows in front of me. The problem is that the gate is closed and I need to get in front of the moving cows to open the gate.

As I move to do this, the dogs are less than helpful. The dogs get between the gate and the cows. The cows, not liking this, head away from the gate. The next thing you know, the cows are moving at speed away from the gate back in the direction towards my house. I open the gate with the thought that when I return with the cows, and I will return with the cows, they will have some place to go.

I follow the cows down the road. The dogs are driving them ahead of me. The herd leaves Misty Ridge Road and head onto my neighbor's, the Doyle's five acre property. At this point the herd splits into two smaller herds. One herd stays at the Doyle's to eat their sweet, sweet grass. Another group of about six cows moves down Misty Ridge Court to my house. Why do they do that. Because Aoife and Lily chase them in that direction. I stick with the small herd heading to my house, calling at them futilely to come back. By the time I get behind my house to the dirt trail, the cows and dogs are gone.

I head back to the group at the Doyle's. At least I can get these cows back. I wave my arms. They start to move. I get them going in the right direction, although they don't seem happy about it. We pass Jake on Reese's property. He wonders why I keep waving my arms and yelling. As I head up the slight rise with the cows in front of me and the pavement becomes gravel on Misty Ridge Rd, I hear a coming towards us. Over the crest of the hill comes the black escalade that belongs to Richard Brechbuehl, cow owner. I can't see him but he is probably a bit confused at the sight of me and ten of his cows in front of him. He gets out of the car. His two eldest kids get out as well. They take over herding duties and bring the cows inside his gate.

Richard and I go over who opened his gate. I told him I had just opened it to get the cows back inside. He thinks someone left it open last night and all the cows got out then. He has to race off with the kids to get them to school. He'll get the rest of the cows when he gets back.

I feel kind of bad because my dogs helped drive the cows from their home. I figure I will go look for them and see what I can do. By this time, Lily has returned to me. I've been joined by an orange tabby called Kitty. Kitty belongs to Kyle and Mariah, another one of the neighbors. Kitty usually joins me on the walks because, yes, I carry chicken. When I get near to Lynch Lair, I call for Aoife, who makes the decision to come join me. She pants and her tongue hangs out at least a foot. There are no complaints when I put Lily and Aoife in the house. I considered bringing them with me on the cow hunt, but then I came to my senses.

I found the missing six cows on the vacant property to the south of my property. They had found a nice patch of grass and were not inclined to move it. Through reason, I eventually got them moving, unfortunately they moved toward Kyle's property rather Richard's property. I'm glad Kyle and Mariah weren't home because I had to go through their yard with the cows. Then the cows decided to head back to my house, but I pushed them into the Doyle's property, which is when Melissa Doyle drove out and saw me driving a bunch of cows through her property. She had that same confused expression Richard had.

Finally, I got the cows to the gate. After some maneuvering to keep them from starting the loop run again, I got the gate opened and the cows through it. The rest of the herd stood on the inside of the gate like they were looking for another breakout.

I went home to rest after my extended bonus dog walk. The dogs snored up a storm, exhausted from their duties.

[Drunk Monk]

You know what you need?

A shepherd's crook. 

It can double for a cane on your daily walks.

[Greg]

I should get a monk's cane and then I could learn that form.

[Drunk Monk]

I could teach you. 

Or you could invest in one of these:


Did this just get kinky again? KB will be busting our chops again if there's too much innuendo.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Tortoises. Everyone should just have some damn tortoises and be happy

[King Bob]

But they can live so long and get so big.

[thatguy]

--tg

[Drunk Monk]

I remember a young PPFY propounding the virtues of turtle soup because the shell could be the bowl and a foot could serve as a spoon. I know, I know, tortoises and turtles are different but the theory still holds, even if PPFY was too young to enjoy turtle soup back then. 

A can of turtle soup appeared in the cache of D00M night droppables. I wonder what became of that can…

[King Bob]

We went to Knoxville for the World's Fair, I think in 1981 and there was a poster on a telephone pole for an upcoming turtle fry. My dad was disappointed it was happening after we left. He said "Turtle is good."

A bit tortoise used to live a few blocks away near our friend and it would occasionally dig out. She would see the owner carrying it back home. They can live a long time, so you'd need to put it in your will.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

We went to Knoxville for the World's Fair, I think in 1981 and there was a poster on a telephone pole for an upcoming turtle fry. My dad was disappointed it was happening after we left. He said "Turtle is good."

A bit tortoise used to live a few blocks away near our friend and it would occasionally dig out. She would see the owner carrying it back home. They can live a long time, so you'd need to put it in your will.

Still sounds better than chasing hooligan dogs and wandering cattle.

And they come with their own bowl.