02-13-2018, 11:11 PM
This was my alternative to watching the Winter Olympics (akin to the Puppy Bowl instead of the Super Bowl) -- a horror tale involving five young snowboarders deep in the mountain wilderness of Norway.
They find the perfect slope for their mayhem, and my, what magnificent athletes they are, never falling down, just cutting corners and chiseling and all those snow terms I know nothing about; nor do they ever run out of slope, as somehow they're always transported back near the top to keep on keeping on.
Until one of them does fall, and screams, because he's suffered himself a mild compound fracture of the ankle with bone and blood and it makes you feel sorry for the pristine snow, getting all gooped up by the mess, and now this band of intrepid snowboarders need to find shelter for the night and then get help.
Which quickly leads to that tired old trope I'm always complaining to Lady Cranefly about, of the cursed house -- in this case an abandoned ski lodge -- where evil lurks. And every bloody horror movie on Netflix streaming seems to use that formula.
I watched this on Hoopla, which advertised this in their capsule description as a "smart, intense and award-winning European sensation that has terrified audiences around the world and put the edge back into the body-count genre."
There is a slight twist -- I'll credit that -- but not worth waiting for. The acting is mediocre at best, the relationships amateurish, the characters dumb enough to be in the White House, there's lots of cliches, and -- worst of all -- this movie is dubbed into English. WTF! That's not what I signed up for. I wanted Norwegian screams.
The lot of you who watched the Winter Olympics did good.
Rather than watch this sherpa-less slurpee, shaken, not stirred.
They find the perfect slope for their mayhem, and my, what magnificent athletes they are, never falling down, just cutting corners and chiseling and all those snow terms I know nothing about; nor do they ever run out of slope, as somehow they're always transported back near the top to keep on keeping on.
Until one of them does fall, and screams, because he's suffered himself a mild compound fracture of the ankle with bone and blood and it makes you feel sorry for the pristine snow, getting all gooped up by the mess, and now this band of intrepid snowboarders need to find shelter for the night and then get help.
Which quickly leads to that tired old trope I'm always complaining to Lady Cranefly about, of the cursed house -- in this case an abandoned ski lodge -- where evil lurks. And every bloody horror movie on Netflix streaming seems to use that formula.
I watched this on Hoopla, which advertised this in their capsule description as a "smart, intense and award-winning European sensation that has terrified audiences around the world and put the edge back into the body-count genre."
There is a slight twist -- I'll credit that -- but not worth waiting for. The acting is mediocre at best, the relationships amateurish, the characters dumb enough to be in the White House, there's lots of cliches, and -- worst of all -- this movie is dubbed into English. WTF! That's not what I signed up for. I wanted Norwegian screams.
The lot of you who watched the Winter Olympics did good.
Rather than watch this sherpa-less slurpee, shaken, not stirred.
I'm nobody's pony.