08-04-2007, 11:13 PM
Just when I think I've got the laws of physics figured out...
I really don't have a clue.
The sun is dying. Humanity holds psychological tests to determine the 6 most incompatiible human beings, who are launched toward the sun in a windmill-powered spaceship named Icky-poo II. Soon problems arise. First, their Steadicam breaks. Then their vegetable garden catches fire. These are easily remedied -- the first by switching to hand-helds, the second by flooding the garden with pure oxygen. Of course, that leaves them short on breathable air. Then the navigator decides to calculate a trajectory change in his head and gets it wrong. Then the ship's computer rebels, only to then unrebel, and then they have enough oxygen, but then they don't, and the Icky-poo I (on the dark side of Mercury) surprises them, and there's another course change, maybe, or maybe I've got some of this out of order.
Eventually there's lots of lens flares and other flashy camera tricks, along with these long parallel planes that threaten to merge but then seem to go on to infinity, and I'm thinking,
Stanley Kubrick is back.
Stanley Kubrick is back!!!
But he's not, as it turns out, and the incomprehensible camera-work and special effects was likely an artifact of Kubrik turning over in his grave...
In the end, the main dude (a pretty-boy physicist) needs to toss the firewood into the sun to rekindle it, but he trips and falls and has a terrible time getting back to his feet in zero gravity and nearly grunts himself to death.
All in all, I'll give it a 3 on a scale of 10. My rating would have been higher, but the projectionist was playing a slasher movie in the background -- and I'm gonna have to dock the movie for it, since movie-going is a subjective experience.
I'm leaving a lot out. I must be. Michelle Yeoh falls in love with a seedling. The captain goes for swims in liquid nitrogen. The psychiatrist is obsessed with staring at the sun. The physicist is indispensable, so they say, though he never does anything indispensable -- except survive, I suppose. Hmmm. Why were humans even necessary for this mission? Oh, right. To toss the firewood in.
To their credit, every crew member performs a courageous act. At least I think they do. And I have to admit the whole aim-for-the-sun, along with the unforgiving and extreme nature of the Sun as they draw near, did give me the heeby-geebies. That is one space trip I would NOT want to take.
--cranefly
I really don't have a clue.
The sun is dying. Humanity holds psychological tests to determine the 6 most incompatiible human beings, who are launched toward the sun in a windmill-powered spaceship named Icky-poo II. Soon problems arise. First, their Steadicam breaks. Then their vegetable garden catches fire. These are easily remedied -- the first by switching to hand-helds, the second by flooding the garden with pure oxygen. Of course, that leaves them short on breathable air. Then the navigator decides to calculate a trajectory change in his head and gets it wrong. Then the ship's computer rebels, only to then unrebel, and then they have enough oxygen, but then they don't, and the Icky-poo I (on the dark side of Mercury) surprises them, and there's another course change, maybe, or maybe I've got some of this out of order.
Eventually there's lots of lens flares and other flashy camera tricks, along with these long parallel planes that threaten to merge but then seem to go on to infinity, and I'm thinking,
Stanley Kubrick is back.
Stanley Kubrick is back!!!
But he's not, as it turns out, and the incomprehensible camera-work and special effects was likely an artifact of Kubrik turning over in his grave...
In the end, the main dude (a pretty-boy physicist) needs to toss the firewood into the sun to rekindle it, but he trips and falls and has a terrible time getting back to his feet in zero gravity and nearly grunts himself to death.
All in all, I'll give it a 3 on a scale of 10. My rating would have been higher, but the projectionist was playing a slasher movie in the background -- and I'm gonna have to dock the movie for it, since movie-going is a subjective experience.
I'm leaving a lot out. I must be. Michelle Yeoh falls in love with a seedling. The captain goes for swims in liquid nitrogen. The psychiatrist is obsessed with staring at the sun. The physicist is indispensable, so they say, though he never does anything indispensable -- except survive, I suppose. Hmmm. Why were humans even necessary for this mission? Oh, right. To toss the firewood in.
To their credit, every crew member performs a courageous act. At least I think they do. And I have to admit the whole aim-for-the-sun, along with the unforgiving and extreme nature of the Sun as they draw near, did give me the heeby-geebies. That is one space trip I would NOT want to take.
--cranefly
I'm nobody's pony.