my mom

[Drunk Monk]

Sometimes I shouldn't do the math.  I realized that I spend one fourth of my time here at my mom's doing care.  Admittedly, some of it is telecommuting, doing my laundry, sleeping or streaming vids, but I'd rather not be in Svale for so long.  It's a depressingly suburban place and makes me upset at the world.  

I wish I was a better caretaker.  I anger easily and have a hard time talking with my mom because she doesn't listen and talks over me all the time, or repeats the same conversation points over and over.  Drives me nuts, mostly because it's hard to tell what is just old age and what might be the onset of a serious problem.  She's very stubborn about her routine and certain things.  I have to keep reminding myself that she was caretaker for my dad for over a decade.  Of course, by then, they were both retired and she had nothing else to do.  I have my wife, my daughter, my work and my own interests.  And one fourth of my time is a lot of my time.  

Today she asked me to find her dictionary.  She has no idea where it might be but she thinks it's green. It could be anywhere in this house, which is such a mess, particularly the upstairs.  I looked for a little while but then gave up.  Several of the lights don't work anymore upstairs, not burnt out bulbs necessarily but old fixtures and such.  

Tomorrow is a check-up with the surgeon.