07-30-2016, 11:31 AM
Several Fragmentary Attempts to Review a Savagery of the Optic Nerves in 3D
The studio made this movie by loading every heroic myth from human cultures into the Large Hadron Collider and then just recording the decay products in real time.
There were some truly exotic characters. A flower every bit as annoying as Jar Jar, and it's like he brought along all his best friends.
There was a seed pod that was really a boat, until the ADHD special effects team got bored with boating and changed it inexplicably to a plane. Not that this was exceptional in any way, as virtually everything in this movie flew through the air -- except for our illustrious hero in need of wings. At risk of a spoiler, let's just say that the cash register eventually does ring.
Ahhh, yes. Fan Bling Bling. She bling-blinged the hell out of everyone in sight -- even out of sight, using her tentacle eyes. Should things get really dicey (yes, those damned heroes are always causing trouble), she'd just heave her ample treasure chest to reassert command.
And what a heave, that! In 3D!
A fun viewing, but pace yourself. When there's lots of subtitles during furious eye candy, just go with the eye candy. You're not missing much with the reading.
I'm nobody's pony.