02-08-2015, 12:21 AM
The family patriarch (the grizzled old guy who -- some time back -- got himself in trouble for dissing gays) is sprawled on his dingy sofa, listening to a visiting neighbor complain that the guy’s dog peed on his bag. The patriarch defends his dog as just doing its duty, which is to pee on everyone else’s stuff but not his own, and says that the neighbor should expect the same of his own dog. This philosophical discourse drags on for some ten minutes, until the patriarch’s dog, which is sprawled atop the back of the sofa, its butt inches from his face, farts, whereupon discussion turns to how, after a while, you grow used to your own dog’s farts, so it’s not a problem. Nonetheless, the neighbor appeals to the family matriarch to see that their dog gets some training.
So the matriarch takes the dog to an obedience school, where she acts so dumb that it seems she's in greater need of obedience training than the dog. There’s a bird in the building, by the way -- likely a plant -- that constantly distracts the dog. Not much happens in this scene, though it drags on for some ten minutes.
Then some guys decide to repurpose a dilapidated pontoon into the world’s greatest duck blind. They spend a lot of time trying to tear old stuff off it, acting real dumb. But when it comes time to building the duck blind, which I might have found interesting, that gets filmed in stop-action in under ten seconds. After that, they take the duck-blind pontoon to a gas station to fill its tank. The patriarch hides in the underbrush atop the pontoon, and whenever someone steps close for a gander, he rises up and says boo. It’s really quite lame, and he never scares anybody, yet he does it over and over again, consuming another ten minutes.
When they finally put the “duck blind” in the water, one guy is left ashore. So the steerman has to go back for him, only he can’t see through the duck blind’s forest. Everyone keeps telling him to go left or right, but he always does the opposite, to add to the drama. Eventually they do get close enough to shore for the guy to jump aboard.
That’s all for this episode.
Yes, I have dear relatives who watch this show. I felt watching it might help me understand its popularity. I expected some strong and likable characters. I expected some clever if off-color humor. But there's nothing charismatic in the lot, just a bunch of guys without any imagination acting dumb. As near as I can tell, the show caters to people with inferiority complexes about their schooling. Duck Dynasty offers viewers a cast of people who are dumber than they are, who are proud of what they are, and who despise “yuppies with their cell phones” and anyone else with an ounce of education. Sad to say, it’s a great formula, and I fear it shows the future of our great nation.
So the matriarch takes the dog to an obedience school, where she acts so dumb that it seems she's in greater need of obedience training than the dog. There’s a bird in the building, by the way -- likely a plant -- that constantly distracts the dog. Not much happens in this scene, though it drags on for some ten minutes.
Then some guys decide to repurpose a dilapidated pontoon into the world’s greatest duck blind. They spend a lot of time trying to tear old stuff off it, acting real dumb. But when it comes time to building the duck blind, which I might have found interesting, that gets filmed in stop-action in under ten seconds. After that, they take the duck-blind pontoon to a gas station to fill its tank. The patriarch hides in the underbrush atop the pontoon, and whenever someone steps close for a gander, he rises up and says boo. It’s really quite lame, and he never scares anybody, yet he does it over and over again, consuming another ten minutes.
When they finally put the “duck blind” in the water, one guy is left ashore. So the steerman has to go back for him, only he can’t see through the duck blind’s forest. Everyone keeps telling him to go left or right, but he always does the opposite, to add to the drama. Eventually they do get close enough to shore for the guy to jump aboard.
That’s all for this episode.
Yes, I have dear relatives who watch this show. I felt watching it might help me understand its popularity. I expected some strong and likable characters. I expected some clever if off-color humor. But there's nothing charismatic in the lot, just a bunch of guys without any imagination acting dumb. As near as I can tell, the show caters to people with inferiority complexes about their schooling. Duck Dynasty offers viewers a cast of people who are dumber than they are, who are proud of what they are, and who despise “yuppies with their cell phones” and anyone else with an ounce of education. Sad to say, it’s a great formula, and I fear it shows the future of our great nation.
I'm nobody's pony.