04-18-2014, 05:51 PM
As you well know, it's been a long time coming.
My family seems to be doing ok, all in all. S had one of her visions the moment of my dad's passing. That has happened before with her when people close to her have passed. It's a little eerie, and her scientific side always denies when it happens, but she knew the moment our phone rang that her sense had been right again. T had a nightmare at that time too, which consequently woke me up. My mom awoke at 4, which is early for her, only to receive 'the call' about an hour later. My mom has a feeling of relief now. My parents both have Neptune Society, paid in full, and there will be no service. My dad's ashes will be spread on some plot of roses that the Neptune Society maintains just for this.
As for me, one of the pitfalls of having a degree in psych is that Kubler-Ross's 5 stages are branding into my brain from studying for the GRE over a quarter century ago. Given my dad's 'longest death scene ever' I'm long past denial, bargaining and acceptance. The depression comes through in waves. Some of you have been there already, so you know. It catches me on my lonely commute, or when I'm doing the dishes as doing dishes has been a longstanding meditation on my father because it was one of the chores he kept doing long after his stroke. One of my good friends, Master Grace Wu, sent a lovely bouquet of white flowers (white being the color of mourning for Chinese). I wish she hadn't because it's another trigger, but I understand. I've been keeping this pretty quiet overall - only my close friends know, and a few assorted work associates. The hardest part is dealing with my anger. I've always had anger issues, most of which I've managed through my martial arts, plus the deadhead scene softened that up a lot. But that rage is always lurking. I have to manage my anger because people around me can't manage their stupidity. For example, when I told my immediate coworkers, my boss Gigi, in her speak-without-thinking manner exclaimed "So sudden!" I know she meant to give a sincere reaction - she knew of his stroke and that he's been in hospice for 8 months - but her mouth moves faster than her brain most of the time. I reflexively retorted with "ten years..." with a major eye-roll. I'm just glad that its Friday because I just don't want to snap at any of my coworkers. Despite being a martial arts company, they are not warriors, and I know all their tender spots - it's just an instinctive thing martial arts people do - we keep track of that sort of stuff. Those visions of how satisfying it would be to cut them down, well, I got to keep that in check because it would just be too antisocial.
Tomorrow is the Anchor Brewery tour - Lucky 13 - and it reminds me a little of our tour 7 years ago, just after my dear friend Buster died. I was bedside for his passing along with several other senior Rock Medders. Buster didn't have any immediate family. We stayed with him in ICU long into the night, until his time came. It was a rainy night in Oakland. The tour, a few days later, was very purgative. Buster loved that event, and Raz told a great story about how up until just before he passed, Buster hoped to make it to the tour. Of course, there was some solidarity as many attending the tour knew Buster. No one there knew my dad. A few know of his situation, but none know of his passing yet. It's a challenging as I've taken point on planning this year, but I got a DD for it, so I can drown some sorrows and get home safely.
I haven't really broached this in depth with T. I stayed with my mom on Wednesday, the night of my dad's death. S said T had a big cry that night and worries about how to be around me now. I was going to talk to her this morning, but I just couldn't quite muster the strength yet. We will both go over to my mom's for Easter (S is working). And will bring the pom, who just had a bath, because he cheers everyone up. My mom has always been into Easter and she and T have a longstanding tradition of dying eggs (odd now that T is vegan, but I love hardboiled eggs so it's all good). S has been my rock through this, tossing me softballs and checking in on me.
I'm setting up next week to be distracting. I'll probably stay at my mom's on Easter as S can pick up T and take her home. I'm catching a screener in SF on Wednesday for Brick Mansions, and taking an extra telecommute day on Thursday. So I'm moving forward quickly, or at least trying to do so, providing I don't stab anyone for idiocy.
My family seems to be doing ok, all in all. S had one of her visions the moment of my dad's passing. That has happened before with her when people close to her have passed. It's a little eerie, and her scientific side always denies when it happens, but she knew the moment our phone rang that her sense had been right again. T had a nightmare at that time too, which consequently woke me up. My mom awoke at 4, which is early for her, only to receive 'the call' about an hour later. My mom has a feeling of relief now. My parents both have Neptune Society, paid in full, and there will be no service. My dad's ashes will be spread on some plot of roses that the Neptune Society maintains just for this.
As for me, one of the pitfalls of having a degree in psych is that Kubler-Ross's 5 stages are branding into my brain from studying for the GRE over a quarter century ago. Given my dad's 'longest death scene ever' I'm long past denial, bargaining and acceptance. The depression comes through in waves. Some of you have been there already, so you know. It catches me on my lonely commute, or when I'm doing the dishes as doing dishes has been a longstanding meditation on my father because it was one of the chores he kept doing long after his stroke. One of my good friends, Master Grace Wu, sent a lovely bouquet of white flowers (white being the color of mourning for Chinese). I wish she hadn't because it's another trigger, but I understand. I've been keeping this pretty quiet overall - only my close friends know, and a few assorted work associates. The hardest part is dealing with my anger. I've always had anger issues, most of which I've managed through my martial arts, plus the deadhead scene softened that up a lot. But that rage is always lurking. I have to manage my anger because people around me can't manage their stupidity. For example, when I told my immediate coworkers, my boss Gigi, in her speak-without-thinking manner exclaimed "So sudden!" I know she meant to give a sincere reaction - she knew of his stroke and that he's been in hospice for 8 months - but her mouth moves faster than her brain most of the time. I reflexively retorted with "ten years..." with a major eye-roll. I'm just glad that its Friday because I just don't want to snap at any of my coworkers. Despite being a martial arts company, they are not warriors, and I know all their tender spots - it's just an instinctive thing martial arts people do - we keep track of that sort of stuff. Those visions of how satisfying it would be to cut them down, well, I got to keep that in check because it would just be too antisocial.
Tomorrow is the Anchor Brewery tour - Lucky 13 - and it reminds me a little of our tour 7 years ago, just after my dear friend Buster died. I was bedside for his passing along with several other senior Rock Medders. Buster didn't have any immediate family. We stayed with him in ICU long into the night, until his time came. It was a rainy night in Oakland. The tour, a few days later, was very purgative. Buster loved that event, and Raz told a great story about how up until just before he passed, Buster hoped to make it to the tour. Of course, there was some solidarity as many attending the tour knew Buster. No one there knew my dad. A few know of his situation, but none know of his passing yet. It's a challenging as I've taken point on planning this year, but I got a DD for it, so I can drown some sorrows and get home safely.
I haven't really broached this in depth with T. I stayed with my mom on Wednesday, the night of my dad's death. S said T had a big cry that night and worries about how to be around me now. I was going to talk to her this morning, but I just couldn't quite muster the strength yet. We will both go over to my mom's for Easter (S is working). And will bring the pom, who just had a bath, because he cheers everyone up. My mom has always been into Easter and she and T have a longstanding tradition of dying eggs (odd now that T is vegan, but I love hardboiled eggs so it's all good). S has been my rock through this, tossing me softballs and checking in on me.
I'm setting up next week to be distracting. I'll probably stay at my mom's on Easter as S can pick up T and take her home. I'm catching a screener in SF on Wednesday for Brick Mansions, and taking an extra telecommute day on Thursday. So I'm moving forward quickly, or at least trying to do so, providing I don't stab anyone for idiocy.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse