Tiger Claw Elite Championship JUNE 1&2, 2013

[El Dingo]

Day One report:

Wow.

Taking on the responsibility of Tae-Kwon-Do and Karate meant taking on the entire McEnery Convention Center (Quanset hut edition). This place is huge. I grew 1/4" of stubble walking from the front door to the back end. I did this several times throughout the day and am now called 'Grizzly Dingo'.

DM was brought in around 8AM on a couch born by shirtless Maori warriors. Most of the weight was due to the heavy gold rings and necklaces he wore. Upon his ascension to the titanium throne the game were allowed to begin.

The Tae-Kwon-Do pavilion started with the 'Toddlers in Peril' challenge. Children were forced to leap barricades, crawl through tunnels and break wooden planks before returning safely.

Karate contenders were required to reproduce stances and strikes dictated by eons of masters.

I did not see the challenges faced by Wushu and Kung-Fu contestants as I was miles away from the action in this massive arena.

I need to shower and wash the offal from me so I can bring you the reports from tomorrow - "Tai Chi Slaughter"