02-21-2006, 11:44 PM
What's the best possible movie role a man could get? Bond, James Bond. Imagine being Bond, then getting a chance to do a huge Warner project with a bright rising star named Bruce Lee. Imagine signing a contract only to have Lee die two weeks before filming starts. Warner pulls out and you're left to the mercy of some Hong Kong director. Now you have to fight Sammo Hung, a young Sammo, in his youthful prime, who just faced off with Lee in his last film. You have an allergic reaction to some Hong kong shampoo and all your hair falls out, so you have to fight all these crazy Chinese in a godawful hairpiece. The fake moustache is so bad that you have to shoot a scene where you shave it off, as if that's going to make a big white dude in a wide-lapelled disco suit blend in Hong Kong. You also have to shoot a scene where a blackmailer shoots your bare ass on top of Betty Ting Pei, the same woman who actually discovered Lee dead on her bed. Imagine you have to play another scene where you;ve been dosed with Happy Pills, a drug that drives people in sexual frenzy, and you're locked in a cage with Angela Mao, one of the early kung fu queens (Lee's suicidal sister in Enter the Dragon).
This is Stoner. And it was Lazenby, George Lazenby, who suffered through it. I'd only recommend this to the most hardcore kung funk fans. cranefly might like it. El Dingo might like it. The rest of you would probably be bored by it's badness.
This is Stoner. And it was Lazenby, George Lazenby, who suffered through it. I'd only recommend this to the most hardcore kung funk fans. cranefly might like it. El Dingo might like it. The rest of you would probably be bored by it's badness.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse