02-02-2006, 09:41 PM
So I'm still in this disturbing entropy zone, a long run of horrid luck. It's like being bewitched. One visitng qigong master, who I think is a charlatan but my boss thinks is a master sorcerer or some rot, he tells me I have this waterfall of qi running from my face. He says he hasn't seen anything like it before and doesn't have any advice. I should mention that his main schtick is qigong facelifts.
Yesterday I visited grandmaster Tu, aka Mr. iron crotch. I've had this nasty cough since Stacy and Tara have both been sick. I also have this fat zit on the center of my nose. It's part of the bewitchment, I'm sure. Tu says that a zit on my nose means I'm going to lose money. He says I should focus on bring my qi down to my dantian (my center). He writes out this prescription for Chinese herbs on a scrap of paper that I'm supposed to get filled (and I would, but I don't have a fucknig car now, do I?). He tells me I should eat Korean stewed pears. He also gives me this hand painted red gourd that's about 4" high. Tu painted some taoist glyph on it himself during some mudra laden secret ritual. He told me to hang it above my front door and clap three times when I see it. So I'm trying that. What the hell? It can't hurt.
Meanwhile, my boss thinks the remedy is to burn moxa, which smells a bit like skanky mexican brown pot and exacerbates my cough. Moxa is used a lot in Chinese medicine. The first time we burned it, all the warehouse guys got excited and tried to get us busted. They called the boss, my boss's husband, who came running over to our office all in a huff. Moxa is better smelling then the foam from the masts and sparring gear that permeates our building and is probably giving me lung cancer.
I'm waiting for some feng shui taoist exorcist next to cast counter spells on me next...
Yesterday I visited grandmaster Tu, aka Mr. iron crotch. I've had this nasty cough since Stacy and Tara have both been sick. I also have this fat zit on the center of my nose. It's part of the bewitchment, I'm sure. Tu says that a zit on my nose means I'm going to lose money. He says I should focus on bring my qi down to my dantian (my center). He writes out this prescription for Chinese herbs on a scrap of paper that I'm supposed to get filled (and I would, but I don't have a fucknig car now, do I?). He tells me I should eat Korean stewed pears. He also gives me this hand painted red gourd that's about 4" high. Tu painted some taoist glyph on it himself during some mudra laden secret ritual. He told me to hang it above my front door and clap three times when I see it. So I'm trying that. What the hell? It can't hurt.
Meanwhile, my boss thinks the remedy is to burn moxa, which smells a bit like skanky mexican brown pot and exacerbates my cough. Moxa is used a lot in Chinese medicine. The first time we burned it, all the warehouse guys got excited and tried to get us busted. They called the boss, my boss's husband, who came running over to our office all in a huff. Moxa is better smelling then the foam from the masts and sparring gear that permeates our building and is probably giving me lung cancer.
I'm waiting for some feng shui taoist exorcist next to cast counter spells on me next...
Shadow boxing the apocalypse