Sheltering in Place

[Greg]

Odd, Ari Melber is usually known for doing Hip-Hop artist quotes. There is nothing whiter than Ari quoting Big E. Smalls.

[Drunk Monk]

True. Some people listen to both.

[Greg]

What? You can't like rock and like hip-hop. It's just not done.

[Drunk Monk]

[King Bob]

Your Wu Tang post reminded me of this, maybe the best headline of the pandemic: Insane Clown Posse are officially being more responsible about coronavirus than Trump

Also this is a very good article by Charles Yu. Made me want to read his book.

[Drunk Monk]

That Yu article was a good read. Thanks for sharing. I've been pondering that a lot. It was the underlying tone of the essays I donated to my Kung Fu school - Revelations and apocalypse. I've always been fascinated by the apocalypse. Life during wartime - well the U.S. has been at war for most of our lives but we haven't really felt it, except vicariously through some friends that serve. 

I've been rehearsing responses to today in my head. There's still a lot to sort with Jonny. I'm struggling not to slip into the Kubler-Ross anger stage, but I'm a raw nerve. If Jonny is still hesistant about the announcement, I'll bring up that he just let go of 3 of his most senior employees when the job market is worse than the Great Depression, but then I thought, he doesn't have any sense of that, and then I thought more that neither do I except for memories of family elders that remained frugal in it's wake. 

The juggalo thing was amusing in a twisted way. I'll always wanted to see ICP, mostly to check out their following. Legbone's son was a juggalo. Seems like a pithy interest now...

It's really gloomy here in the Cruz this morning. It rained last night and everything is chilly, damp and grey. The squirrels in my hood are going nuts, chasing each other and chattering all around my bungalow. Is it mating season? Or maybe another omen of the apocalypse?

[Drunk Monk]

day 56: today will be better. it's gotta be.

gonna get up after a nice sleep, get some groceries for my mom, then go home. that is the plan.

[Drunk Monk]

yeah, it's gonna be another restless night. took a few shots off my dad's jd. he had one of those big ol' jug bottles stored in the liquor cabinet. he stopped drinking from it after his stroke and i only started on it after he passed, usually to mark his birthday or the anniversary of his passing. the melatonin is just blurring my vision right now. might need something stronger soon. i know, i know, you're not supposed to mix alcohol and sleeping aids. it's only a regular dose and a nitecap or two...

some of the thank yous i've been getting have been so touching - people who say my work changed the course of their martial path, or put them on that path, or how i helped support them back when they were starting out. it's making me wonder how my role in the martial world will change in the future. i suppose it depends on how stable my next job is and how much flexibility it might give me. 

do i want to start judging at tournaments? i hate doing that. i'm a harsh judge. plus a long time ago, i said to myself i didn't want to go that route because, well mostly because of one of my kf bros - don gee (the cfs know). he was such a boring poseur. i'm not sure tournament coverage is that viable. maybe i could sharpen my video skills and start making vids for kfm's youtube (33K subscribers now). honestly, i'm not that good with a videocam and i don't know the first thing about editing but if greg can do it... okay, kidding. there's no way i could catch up to greg. but how hard is it to do basic editing? like real simple stuff? i'm sure i'd need better hardware - i could borrow tc's for sure. 

man, i really look forward to the day when i can just sleep regularly again...

[Drunk Monk]

2:30 and still tweaking 

[Drunk Monk]

I got one sleep cycle in but I feel like crap. Melatonin stays in my system for a while longer than I like. Gonna do groceries and some errands for mom, then go home.

[Drunk Monk]

Fell deep into the abyss. Stacy pulled me out once again.

[Greg]

Lots of slaps upside the head and commands to snap out it, I'm guessing.

[Drunk Monk]

Day 57: I managed to get some sleep last night without aid. Went down around 11, woke at midnight for a bit, but then slept soundly until 5:30. As I lay in bed this morning, I had a panic attack that held me in check there for about an hour. The grief - I did not expect it to be this physical. I still feel cold - like shock - and my adrenaline rushes still tingle now and again. Part of that might be my lack of getting a decent workout. The nagging paranoia given the unemployment numbers never leaves the basement of my mind, rustling about and banging on the pipes like a hungry prisoner trying to work free of its tethers.

Stacy put me on more of a schedule and outlined some strategies. She's been really supportive but we live in a small bungalow together and as we cannot go out for anything distracting aside from the occasional hikes, I'm surprised and grateful she's been so compassionate. 

Today, I'm sorting a few odd business items. I have a phone call with a former business associate that claims he might have something for me, but he's been fairly elusive as to what that might be. We've worked together for years and fostered a good relationship so I'm hopeful there will be some sort of job offer in it. 

A lot of my process has been writing this out here. Thank you again Greg for providing this safe space. And thank you to the rest of DOOM for putting up with my ranting.

[Greg]

Hmm, I don't know if I would call it a safe space.... have you seen some of the posts?

My pleasure. Whatever gets you through the night.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

[insert appropriate emoji here]