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The Machine
#1
I watched this for Mark Hamill. I didn’t know Bert Kreischer at all. Apparently this spirals out of his stand up routine where he tells a story of helping Russian mafia rob a train when he was a college exchange student. His real life and career. He does his stand up with his shirt off which is supposed to be funny in a signature way. Bert plays himself and he’s not that funny, more boorish and crass. The movie picks up with Bert playing himself and Hamill playing his dad. The Russian mob comes after him and he’s become a legend in Russia. Hijinks ensue.

This movie is a mess. The Russian mob stereotypes are played to the hilt. There’s constant reference to Bert’s tits. There’s some mediocre ultravi, that’s cleverly choreographed but the actors can’t move well enough to make it convincing. Theres a Russian hawty who kidnaps both Bert & Hamill and her fights are ridiculous Gun Fu, cleverly constructed but she moves too stiffly to sell any of the punches. There’s one funny fight moment where she slits another mobster’s throat, then Burt goes to punch him and gets his whole fist stuck in the gaping throat wound and he can’t get it out. I know, that doesn’t sound funny, but it caught me off guard and I laughed. 

Hamill is good in this. His character doesn’t make a lick of sense, but his performance in funny, especially when he gets super high. There’s a pot brownie scene too, but it’s not that good.

Not D00M recommended. Maybe fast forward to that throat punch scene. It’s maybe halfway in during the train sequence.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
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#2
I was kind of tempted, but not enough. I'm still trying to envision what is funny about a man without a shirt. I've seen me without a shirt. I don't recommend it.
As a matter of fact, my anger does keep me warm

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#3
Bert shirtless fight scene = not funny, hard to watch, hard pass
JLaw shirtless (& pantsless) fight scene = funny, very watchable, might have to watch it again.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
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#4
JLaw > Kreitzer
As a matter of fact, my anger does keep me warm

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#5
Absolutely 

Especially shirtless
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