Madame Web

[Drunk Monk]

Madame Web.

Never heard of her.

Unlike The Marvels, this was as bad as everyone said. There’s no chemistry. It just falls flat at every turn.

There’s a clan of spider people in the Amazon. Cassie’s (Dakota) mom, while pregnant with her, searches for the spiders that give the spider people magic powers but is betrayed by the villain who wants the powers for himself. She’s saved by the spider people and Cassie gets these deja vu visions. Adult Cassie is an fdny EMT who gets triggered in an accident and her powers emerge. Then there’s the three teen girls.

Everything is stilted - the cliche dialog, the formulaic plot points, the flailing attempts at humor, the tepid action. And as someone who’s actually done CPR, it doesn’t work at all like that. The visions allow for deaths and do overs, which gets old fast. It’s one of those films where you know the climax is coming because the pregnant lady is giving birth. It’s also one of those movies that makes me mad because it had so much going for it and it completely drops the ball.

Not D00M recommended at all. In fact, I think I deserve a medal for jumping on this grenade for y’all.

[King Bob]

You did CPR on someone? Rock Med? I don't think you ever mentioned that here.

[Drunk Monk]

I helped with compressions at a rap show in Oakland in the early 90s. It was out in the parking lot after a riot. Dude was stripped down to his tighty whiteys, beaten to a pulp. It was also the only time I intubated someone with a nasal cannula. I only did one rotation. The ambulance arrived quickly. We didn’t AED him. 

He was alive when he left the venue.