New Glasses

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

And no they aren't making passes.

Remember when it was cool to blow $50 on Sunglasses despite that outrageous expense? Those days are long gone.

I needed new glasses about two years ago when it became hard for me to actually read the tape measure. Naturally, I put that off.

Now, I've got the new ones with Transition lenses and I can't see anything. Those transition lenses aren't as cool as they make them out to be on television. I'm constantly shifting my head and eyes trying to find the focus spot. God knows what will happen when I try to read a book in just a little while.

Of course if you like your world coming in and out of focus all day long, have I got the prescription for you.

[cranefly]

Those are the gradiented bifocals, right? As you lift and lower your head, it shifts smoothly between far vision and near vision.

I wasted a prescription on those a couple years back. At least they were a waste for me. In theory, to read a book, your eyes will shift horizontally along a given line, and there will be no transition.

So why does it go out of focus? I drove myself nuts trying to read.
At first I thought the lenses were defective (it sure seemed like focus was lost even moving the eyes perfectly side to side). But from what the orthomalapropismologist said (or whatever she's called), it's the nature of the beast, and some people can adjust to it, others can't.

I chose to go back to straight reading glasses (with a mild prescription).

Again, good luck. I hope you are among the chosen few.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

The worst problem is the glasses are ill fitting, so they keep slipping down the nose. Even if I do find the sweet spot for reading, the position of the glasses keeps changing. Grrr.
I can really go the reading glass route because I need to have on safety glasses at work. Which means, I have to have them on all the time.

Stay tuned for further migraines.

[cranefly]

The one good thing about transition lenses is that transition is not used as a verb.

I have been known to slap people who use transition as a verb.

45,678,043 people and counting.

I suspect I'm losing the battle...

[El Dingo]

I'm going for my eye appointment on Friday.

2 Years ago the optometrist said I would probably need reading glasses in the near future.

I thought that was awesome. Sean Connery looks great in them and Clarke Peters (Det. Freeman) in "The Wire" looked like he knew the secret of the universe when he put them on.

Here's hoping!

[cranefly]

Our optometrist has someone who helps you pick the frames, then sees to a proper fitting of the glasses before the handoff. Our fitter is gay and very finicky.

Okay, so I probably just ventured into some dangerous stereotyping territory. Still, have you considered going back and demanding to have a gay fitter? I mean, having the fitting redone? The glasses really shouldn't slip around on your face like a beached whale on an oiled tarp.

That simile really doesn't work, does it...

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Is glass fitting different from gay fitting? Just curious, but not that curious. Stop.

I'm going back. I just thought two trips in two days was too much. Plus, I'm getting used to pushing the glasses back up every two seconds. It reminds of Stephen Colbert.

[cranefly]

Be sure to specify "fitter." "Fluffer" is a bad idea.
You'll walk out of there with glasses more crooked than before.
And people will keep asking about your silly grin.
Not that I'm speaking from experience. I've just heard...

Yes, well beyond the STOP word...

[cranefly]

Admit it. You're expecting the worst.
Maybe I won't even go past that first line. I shouldn't, because I haven't got a punchline yet. Still, sometimes you just have to march forward and trust the landmine isn't there.
Besides, it's unseemly to just let that first line dangle.
(Meanwhile Greg pushes his glasses up and wonders what the hey?).
I shouldn't. I really shouldn't.
Ohhh, let's get this over with.

Two optometrists walk into a bar.
"We'll have two beers and a glass," they say.
The bartender scrutinizes them long and hard. "Pardon me for asking," he says, "but don't you need a pair of glasses?"
"Hey, we're the optometrists here!" they shout, pulling out brass knuckles.
Then they fall suddenly silent as the rogue lapdances begin.


Ba-dum-bum...
or thud...

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I was looking for something else to post that had crossed my mind . . . .

I can only use the glasses to read. I took the glasses off over the weekend and realized I could see much better without them. If it gets within two feet I'm screwed. For instance, I can read my computer screen perfectly fine without the glasses. That's not the way it's supposed to work is it? Your eyes aren't supposed to get better.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

At least that is what the new optometrist said. I still need reading glasses, but for everything else I'm A Okay. Sort of. Actually it comes down to one eye being near sighted and the other being far sighted.
My eyes suck.

Seriously, my eyes did improve and the optometrist said that sometimes happesn. I would have like to get the odds on that bet.

But my eyes are fluctuating. I can't see far as well as I last week. Maybe I'm trapped in the optometry version of Flowers for Algernon?

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

So, I don't have super eyes after all. Dammit. Since the last post and getting my new glasses, my eyes decided they didn't want to work at all. They don't even work with the new glasses. So, I went back to the old glasses. It got to the point I could only see out of them if I looked through the bottom and tilted my head back. Fun.

So, I'm back at the eye doctors today to find out what happened to the prescription. She said it wasn't the prescription so much as it was me. It turns out when your blood sugar goes hay wire, it fucks up your eyes. She's not going to give me new glasses until I get that sorted out. Until then, I'm wearing Walgreen specials. The doc said i should just buy a bunch and use the ones that work while my eyes do what my eyes are going to do.

It's a good thing I'm not working . ..