02-15-2015, 11:22 AM
You realize we got 3 films with Bangkok in the title reviewed here? Bangkok Revenge, Bangkok Dangerous, Bangkok Knock Out. They all kinda sucked. Here be #4.
Bangkok Assassins is sort of a Thai take on that CLASSIC Shaw Brothers film, Crippled Avengers, with a little Five Deadly Venoms tossed in. Four boys are kidnapped by thugs who use them to beg on the streets of Bangkok (as if there was a lot of money in that). The boys try to escape only to be mutilated quite graphically by their captors so one is blind, one is deaf, one is mute and one is mentally retarded. They are rescued by a Shaolin monk who teaches them Kung Fu and grow up to become assassins who walk the road of vengeance in their free time, hoping to catch the villains who originally violated them. If I were to categorize this flick, I would have to say it's not a martial arts movie. It's a rom com. The four look like a K-pop band. There's a girl too, who has Shaolin levitation skills, which is played out for comedy as she tries to audition to become a rock star and kicks out a lamp showering the review panel with glass shards in their faces. She's the love interest but she can't figure out which of the four she loves because one gave her a box of marbles and that's the only gift she ever got so she loves that one. The blind assassin drives a car - so funny - NOT. There's an awkward incest moment when the deaf one finds his prostitute mom again, who also happens to be the mom of the girl he's banging - so funny - NOT. The weird thing is there isn't much martial arts - it's all digital chopstick throwing and CGI chi blasts. That's executed well, but this could have really used some decent fisticuffs...or a swordfight.
In future, we should avoid flicks with Bangkok in the title.
Bangkok Assassins is sort of a Thai take on that CLASSIC Shaw Brothers film, Crippled Avengers, with a little Five Deadly Venoms tossed in. Four boys are kidnapped by thugs who use them to beg on the streets of Bangkok (as if there was a lot of money in that). The boys try to escape only to be mutilated quite graphically by their captors so one is blind, one is deaf, one is mute and one is mentally retarded. They are rescued by a Shaolin monk who teaches them Kung Fu and grow up to become assassins who walk the road of vengeance in their free time, hoping to catch the villains who originally violated them. If I were to categorize this flick, I would have to say it's not a martial arts movie. It's a rom com. The four look like a K-pop band. There's a girl too, who has Shaolin levitation skills, which is played out for comedy as she tries to audition to become a rock star and kicks out a lamp showering the review panel with glass shards in their faces. She's the love interest but she can't figure out which of the four she loves because one gave her a box of marbles and that's the only gift she ever got so she loves that one. The blind assassin drives a car - so funny - NOT. There's an awkward incest moment when the deaf one finds his prostitute mom again, who also happens to be the mom of the girl he's banging - so funny - NOT. The weird thing is there isn't much martial arts - it's all digital chopstick throwing and CGI chi blasts. That's executed well, but this could have really used some decent fisticuffs...or a swordfight.
In future, we should avoid flicks with Bangkok in the title.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
