Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Five Element Ninjas (1982)
#1
Flying Five Finger One Armed Eight Pole Shaolin Exploding Death Touch Thursday on EL REY!

Chang Cheh, one of the old skool Shaw Brother directors, turns in this orgy of weird weapons and ultravi that has DOOM written all over it. I had seen this before, but I couldn't remember it very well. Perhaps it was playing at a party or something in the background. It's basically bloody fight scene after bloody fight scene. The ninjas come and kick all the Kung Fu guys asses in crazy challenge matches. Then the few surviving Kung Fu guys exact revenge. That's it. The weapons are crazy - the gold ninjas (gold lame ninja suits!) with those crazy gold shield hats, switchblades pop out of every odd angle, the wood ninjas look like tree beings from H.R. PuffnStuff (Jurassic Groot). There's a death by drawing and quartering, blood everywhere, blood, Blood, BLOOD! It's even got a ninjette that only wears a fishnet body suit in several scenes (only quick flashes of her breasts however, which was the Shaw style for exploitative nudity - most of the time she's positioned to cover her naughty bits). Sword fights a plenty but it's the pole arm work that really shines here. The Kung Fu fight scenes are so complex and relentless. I luv watching them figure out how to fight with this insane arsenal and making it all look convincing.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply
#2
Like Godzilla, I, too, Ride with El Rey.

I saw this a couple months back on El Rey and was boggled at the variety of bizarre weapons and the sheer quantity of blood. It was a ton of fun.
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
Reply
#3
I was reminded of our old 'weapon of the week' ritual, back in the day of fencing at closed high schools and community centers. You know, I've perpetuated that fine tradition with our Featured Weapon column in KFTC. Read KFTC carefully and you can see DOOM all over.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply
#4
I did see your "featured weapon" column in the past and felt a pang of recognition. We have a returning fencer at the the Berkeley club who found out that some of us dig cool swords; he has been bringing in a different one every week for 3 weeks now. Makes me want to start buying swords again.

Must. Not. Buy. More. Swords!
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
Reply
#5
Dr. Ivor Yeti Wrote:Must. Not. Buy. More. Swords!
Most of my swords (and other weapons) are in storage at my mom's house now. Not much room in the bungalow. I've only kept a few there, a pillow sword - pillow bokken actually - a nice iron wood piece that was a sample that I got kicked down from Tiger Claw because no one else could see what a beauty it was - and a few choice dao. The sea air ain't that good for steel actually. Fortunately, I keep my sword acquisition habit in check with company perks.

This returning fencer - does he have any Chinese pieces? I'm always on the hunt for pieces to showcase in our Featured Weapon column (good excuse to see more stuff, doncha know?) I have an ace up my sleeve now however. A distant Kung Fu cousin who lives in SF has a massive collection - easily 300+ pieces - he's been dominating our FW column for the last few years because he lets me come up to his cache and just shoot what I please. But I ask about your fencer friend, just for diversity's sake. And you know me, I love seeing real swords of any kind.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply
#6
Yesterday was El Rey's Chinese New Year MUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT Classic Shaw Brothers marathon. Actually, it was just five films, rotated over and over for 24 hours. This was the only one I managed to catch from beginning to end. It was either that or the Two and a Half Men series finale (which I did watch a little of during the ExtenZe commercial breaks).

It struck me how 5EN could really be remade into a crazy cool flick today. The issue would be that filmmakers today would probably default to CGI, just like they did with The Guillotines [http://brotherhoodofdoom.com/phpBB3/view...f=6&t=3008] and what 5EN really deserves is to be redone with top-notch Kung Fu weapons masters, which I'm not sure there are enough of in the industry at this time. Of course, my penchant for swordfights weighs heavily on this opinion, and it's unlikely pop culture agrees with me here.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply
#7
Buried in this review is a confession that you were watching 2 and a half men. What the hell? There are guilty pleasures and then there is this. Explain yourself.
So much for the flickr badge idea. Dammit
Reply
#8
i used to watch that when sheen was part of the show. as it was the series finale, i figured i'd surf over for a peek. there were a lot of digs at charlie, a weird animated segment, and some cameos (governator, slater). but you are right. i have no explanation beyond being bored with the clicker. the downside of el rey is they don't have a lot of advertisers now, so it's the same old ads over and over again, so i surf.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply
#9
My Berkeley sword-enthusiast is strictly Euro-weapons only. Nice stuff, though, as he has both $ and taste.

Mutton for Punishment was the best TeeVee marathon name ever.
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
Reply
#10
I'd luv to see that collection. You know me. Any nice sword is a nice sword.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)