08-23-2007, 11:41 AM
OK, I kenned my way into this flick according to Greg. I would have kenned my way into Bourne Ultimatum too, just to add to the ED PPFY debate, but I had to pee and the bathrooms are strategically positioned past the ticket check gate. I could've snuck back easily but Greg's Ken comment already made me feel dirty. Also I missed the first few minutes, but was there for when the star of the show appeared, and that's all I was there to see really. Anyway, take that into account with the review.
This film is a total throwback to the swordswingers of old. The De Laurentiis family is involved heavily - 'nuf said there. In the era of 300, it's strangely refreshing, but not worth the $10 ticket price. It's got that simple men-in-armor swordfight choreography, akin to the old cowboy fight scenes, uninhibited by the kung fu influence dominating most choreography now and with only a little CGI for the arrows. Classic siege stuff with flaming catapults and ladders up the wall. Classic fights with the hero spinning about like a cuisinart, cutting down hapless foes as they attack one by one. There's even old school matte paintings to depict ancient castles and such. Unshaven Romans fighting dirtier Goths. Ben Kingsley as Merlin sporting the largest schnoz ever. Colin Firth as the noble Roman, trying his best to be like Braveheart. There's even a loyal big dreadlock dude, who mets a painfully predictable fate, like any loyal black man would meet in a classic old swordswinger. Excalibur is a high-polished chrome job. DM felt like it was the 60's all over again.
DM would have totally ignored this flick had not Greg tipped of the inclusion of Aishwarya Rai. This movie is all about Ash. And DM is not saying that just because he's a huge fan. Well, maybe he is. Ash doing a lot of senseless swordfights? OK, that's going to appeal to DM. But seriously, she steals every scene she's in and is totally unapologetic about it. She's armed with some kind of shamishir and a katar that has a switchblade-parrying-dagger action. Her fights are ok. Her character professes to doing kalaripayattu, but her poses are more kung fu dao driven, particularly the classic sword behind the back in bow stance pose. She's decked out in all sorts of flattering bodice-like armor. There's a flirty swordfight between her and Firth, but it's not nearly as fun as the classic Bandaras/Zeta Jones fight. She kills a lot of Goths as the other warriors stand and watch in awe. Why wouldn't they? She's awesome. Those eyes, framed with that perfectly made-up mascara, really stands out amongst the unshaven dirty warriors on the precipice of being plunged into the Dark Ages. So if you want to see Ash cut down lots of Goths with swords (and who wouldn't?) this film is totally for you. I feel I got my money's worth.
This film is a total throwback to the swordswingers of old. The De Laurentiis family is involved heavily - 'nuf said there. In the era of 300, it's strangely refreshing, but not worth the $10 ticket price. It's got that simple men-in-armor swordfight choreography, akin to the old cowboy fight scenes, uninhibited by the kung fu influence dominating most choreography now and with only a little CGI for the arrows. Classic siege stuff with flaming catapults and ladders up the wall. Classic fights with the hero spinning about like a cuisinart, cutting down hapless foes as they attack one by one. There's even old school matte paintings to depict ancient castles and such. Unshaven Romans fighting dirtier Goths. Ben Kingsley as Merlin sporting the largest schnoz ever. Colin Firth as the noble Roman, trying his best to be like Braveheart. There's even a loyal big dreadlock dude, who mets a painfully predictable fate, like any loyal black man would meet in a classic old swordswinger. Excalibur is a high-polished chrome job. DM felt like it was the 60's all over again.
DM would have totally ignored this flick had not Greg tipped of the inclusion of Aishwarya Rai. This movie is all about Ash. And DM is not saying that just because he's a huge fan. Well, maybe he is. Ash doing a lot of senseless swordfights? OK, that's going to appeal to DM. But seriously, she steals every scene she's in and is totally unapologetic about it. She's armed with some kind of shamishir and a katar that has a switchblade-parrying-dagger action. Her fights are ok. Her character professes to doing kalaripayattu, but her poses are more kung fu dao driven, particularly the classic sword behind the back in bow stance pose. She's decked out in all sorts of flattering bodice-like armor. There's a flirty swordfight between her and Firth, but it's not nearly as fun as the classic Bandaras/Zeta Jones fight. She kills a lot of Goths as the other warriors stand and watch in awe. Why wouldn't they? She's awesome. Those eyes, framed with that perfectly made-up mascara, really stands out amongst the unshaven dirty warriors on the precipice of being plunged into the Dark Ages. So if you want to see Ash cut down lots of Goths with swords (and who wouldn't?) this film is totally for you. I feel I got my money's worth.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse