12-23-2015, 12:14 AM
This is the story of a guy who keeps trying to check out a movie titled Dead Calm from the library. At first someone else has it checked out. Then when it is returned, he simply can’t find it in the DVD stacks.
Weeks pass, then months. The guy keeps checking the stacks, but it’s never there, even though it’s always listed as available. He doesn’t even know why he wants to watch the movie anymore. Long ago he’d found a slip of paper on his desk with the jotted note, “watch Dead Calm.” He forever puzzles over what prompted him to make that note. Was it because Nicole Kidman is in the movie? Not that he’s a big fan of hers, but he does have a good friend who seems obsessed with her. Perhaps he wanted to watch it just so he could discuss Nicole’s performance with that friend. Or perhaps he’s becoming obsessed with her as well. Or could it be that he read some comment on the web alluding to a kinky scene in the movie that he felt might be to his liking? There’s really no telling. His desk is strewn with notes. Sometimes it’s just a phone number. Whose? He has no idea. Other times it’s just a mysterious phrase. There’s no telling what most of his notes mean because they always lack a clear context.
The library’s online catalog keeps showing that the movie is available, so he keeps going to the library to look for it in the DVD stacks. When he can’t find it in the Ds, he looks in the Cs and the Es. He expands his search ever outward, checking hundreds of DVDs, to no avail.
Finally one day he goes up to the Information Desk and tells the lady that he can’t find Dead Calm. Confirming that it is listed as available, she promptly conducts a search of her own, through the Ds and the general area. Finally she shrugs and says, “It appears to be lost. I’ll make a note of it.” And that’s that.
Dejected, the guy goes home. Later that evening there comes a knock at the door. Answering, he is astonished to see Nicole Kidman standing there. She slaps him three times, hard, and says, “Stop stalking me!” Then she turns and sashays away, tugging up her skirt to show a generous swath of alabaster thigh and an abyss of something more.
The end.
Warning: The above might contain spoilers.
Weeks pass, then months. The guy keeps checking the stacks, but it’s never there, even though it’s always listed as available. He doesn’t even know why he wants to watch the movie anymore. Long ago he’d found a slip of paper on his desk with the jotted note, “watch Dead Calm.” He forever puzzles over what prompted him to make that note. Was it because Nicole Kidman is in the movie? Not that he’s a big fan of hers, but he does have a good friend who seems obsessed with her. Perhaps he wanted to watch it just so he could discuss Nicole’s performance with that friend. Or perhaps he’s becoming obsessed with her as well. Or could it be that he read some comment on the web alluding to a kinky scene in the movie that he felt might be to his liking? There’s really no telling. His desk is strewn with notes. Sometimes it’s just a phone number. Whose? He has no idea. Other times it’s just a mysterious phrase. There’s no telling what most of his notes mean because they always lack a clear context.
The library’s online catalog keeps showing that the movie is available, so he keeps going to the library to look for it in the DVD stacks. When he can’t find it in the Ds, he looks in the Cs and the Es. He expands his search ever outward, checking hundreds of DVDs, to no avail.
Finally one day he goes up to the Information Desk and tells the lady that he can’t find Dead Calm. Confirming that it is listed as available, she promptly conducts a search of her own, through the Ds and the general area. Finally she shrugs and says, “It appears to be lost. I’ll make a note of it.” And that’s that.
Dejected, the guy goes home. Later that evening there comes a knock at the door. Answering, he is astonished to see Nicole Kidman standing there. She slaps him three times, hard, and says, “Stop stalking me!” Then she turns and sashays away, tugging up her skirt to show a generous swath of alabaster thigh and an abyss of something more.
The end.
Warning: The above might contain spoilers.
I'm nobody's pony.