Constantine

[El Dingo]

Christ was this bad.

OK - You guys know I'm a comic-book freak but for fuck's sake what the hell were they thinking?

Comic book premise: Middle-aged English ex-punk rocker haunts London's dark side and barely survives black-magic adventures.

Movie adaptation: Young 'psychic' American in L.A. investigates demonic possesion.

Features: Keanu Reeves Almost out-acts a paper bag full of wet Kleenex. Almost.

The story comes nearly fifty feet of making sense but is nailed by poor editing and too many cocaine breaks by the writers. Good try, story!

To the uninitiated here is the spoiler for the comic: John Constantine learns that years of 2-pack a day smoking has given him terminal cancer. He spends his last days saying good bye to friends and family. Finally, in a last ditch effort he sells his soul (seperateky) to all three masters of Hell (Lucifer, Beelzebub and Azazel). They realize his death would cause a civil war in Hell and (painfully) cure his cancer and send him on his way.

Here is the spoiler for the movie: John Constantine learns he has cancer and fights random demons for no reason. The end.

Every 'Hellraiser' sequel was better than this piece of trash.

Keanu Reeves is to acting what William Hung is to music.

Please leave, I must rest now. Your visit has left me tired.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Even I knew better than to let you go see this film. You have a statue of John Constantine in your house and you went in to see what Keanu Reeves would do to this? Hope really does spring eternal.

I wasn't revolted by the film, but then I hadn't read the comics. Maybe it's time to start.

It was filmed at everybody's new hot filming spot, though, LA Center Studios. The big building with the cross is the former Unocal building. Ah, memories.

If you love something don't watch the movie made from it. I think the Queen will back me up on this. I'm probably going to be the only one to enjoy The Davinci Code, because I'm the only one in the country who still hasn't read the book.

[El Dingo]

"Sin City", "V for Vendetta" and "Batman Begins" were all decent movies, even if the latter 2 strayed from the source material a little more than I liked.

I was hoping to see some eye-candy, like '13 Ghosts' or 'Resident Evil'.

Instead I got eye-sewage.