Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

[Drunk Monk]

This is astoundingly derivative of Harry Potter, and that's not just because Columbus directed it (although that does weigh in heavily). There's three kids, a misunderstood by hero, a head-of-the-class babe, and a comic relief fusion of Chris Rock and Mr. Tumnus. There's a self sacrificing mom, a despicable step-parent/guardian, a shocking awakening to the special powers. Dumbledore is swapped for James Bond (the Remington Stele one), and Hogwarts for Camp Half Blood. This first installment is painfully predictable and HP formulaic. There's some amusing bits about today meeting Greek myth, like the gate to Hades being the Hollywood sign and Hades being an aging Gene Simmons knock off, but that's a bit trite and doesn't go nearly far enough. Is Sean Bean a better Zeus than Liam Neeson? Unlikely.

The only redemption is Uma Thurman as Medusa. She vamps up the role to the max and makes about 15 minutes in the middle of this film totally worthwhile. There's a major flaw with her presence since this is supposed to follow Greek myth and Perseus already decapitated her. And no, pegasus didn't pop out after that. The lotus eaters scene was amusing too, especially with the Lady Gaga soundtrack. Hoped for a little more from Rosario Dawson as Persephone.

Will this be the next kid franchise? Many of T's friends have read it and say the movie strays too far and leaves out too much. They also like it better than Potter, and it's inspired one of her classmates to take on the Iliad and the Odyssey at age 10. It has the formula and kids seem to love it, but it may well go the way of Golden Compass, which new awesome James Bond and Nicole couldn't save, Narnia, which is struggling to do my fav of the series, Dawn Treader, but a bit non-linear anyways, A Serious of Unfortunate Events, where Carry got so damn hammy that nothing else is memorable and Spiderwick, which had a fencer character that was really cool. Everyone wants to be the next HP. Twilight is a bit older (and a lot stupider).

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According to DirecTV is should be called the Lighting Thief, where Percy Jackson vandalizes the bulbs at his local Home Depot.

[Drunk Monk]

Saw it in 2D which was a shame since some cheesy 3D might have redeemed it a little. T's friend has read the books and said that it deviated dramatically. It still feels like HP, but instead of this rich mythos built by J.K., it just poaches Greek myth. There were sword fights; mediocre at best. There are a few new characters - the dreadlocks cyclops was ok. The hippocampus was neat - arguably the best part aside from the oracle's stained-glass flashback of the fall of Kronos. The monster in the sea of monsters reminded my of Baron Munchausen.

The funniest schtick of Percy is having modern-day stuff as fronts for Greek mythology. There was only one solid instance of that in this film - Nathan Fillon as Hermes, CEO of UPS. That sounds funnier than it is, but he does get off a great quip about a popular TV show that was cancelled.

The girls were amused. I didn't fall asleep, despite my best intentions. At the very least, it was distracting.